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August 12, 2013 | by  | in News |
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LOL News

A SPRITELY CRIME

One boy’s life of crime got off to a pretty sweet start last week in Pennsylvania.

A 12-year-old boy robbed a lemonade stand being run by a ten-year-old boy, using a BB gun to threaten the younger child. The boys got into a wrestling match, before the older boy took $30 and ran. He was later caught by police, after three children led them to the boy’s home.

Salient predicts the victim will be okay, because when life gives you lemons…

XXXXXX

Security experts are warning consumers that hackers could be targeting their bowel motions next, as flaws arise with high-tech toilets controlled by smartphones.

“Attackers could cause the unit to unexpectedly open/close the lid, activate bidet or air-dry functions, causing discomfort or distress to [the] user,” said Japanese company Lixis, the producer of the toilet.

The Satis toilet retails for up to NZ$7000 and includes automatic flushing, bidet spray, music, and fragrance release.

The GCSB is not said to be looking into the issue, claiming they have enough shit to worry about as it is.

RUFF SEAS

Man’s best friend has won out over man’s wife, as a man saved his dog from his sinking yacht before going back for his wife.

When stricken on a reef near South Africa, Graham Anley made sure Rosie, a nine-year-old Jack Russell terrier, was fitted in her specially tailored dog lifejacket and taken to safety.

According to Anley, his wife’s “safety line had snagged on the steering gear,” so he saved the dog first given his wife wasn’t going anywhere.

Except, possibly, underwater?

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