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September 9, 2013 | by  | in News |
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Stay Classy, World

Intervention in Syria looks like only a matter of time, as the Syrian government began killing innocent people in a slightly different way. The killing will be stopped with another, different sort of killing, which is apparently okay in the circumstances.

Egypt’s recently ousted President, Mohamed Morsi, has been sent to trial for inciting the murder of protesters, showing ousted Labour leader David Shearer things could always be worse.

As of last week, footballer Gareth Bale is the most expensive person to ever kick a ball after being bought by Spanish team Real Madrid for 100 million euros. The deal will pay him 300,000 pounds a week, which early reports suggest may be enough to buy happiness.

Vietnam has effected laws banning news articles, in addition to any material that “opposes” the Government, being shared on social media. Luckily, Vietnam’s one-party system naturally means 100 per cent of people support the Government anyway.

The end of University holidays has been met with pleasure from returning students, who have not found such a good source of small talk since the winter snow of 2011. Sources have informed Salient the two-week break went “too quickly” and “wasn’t long enough”.

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