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September 30, 2013 | by  | in News |
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Stay Classy, World

Though 2.3 million people were infected last year, HIV is finally starting to look positive: the UN has announced infection rates have fallen by a third since 2001.

A corpse thought to be 4000 years old has been discovered in Ireland, having been preserved in peat since his death. The man’s exact age is not known, but is thought to be Bronze.

Syria is to hand over its chemical weapons to be destroyed, probably by Russian soldiers. Citizens are said to be relieved at the news that they will go back to being killed in acceptable ways.

The Presidents of Iran and the United States are looking likely to attempt to patch up relations between the two states. Salient would normally suggest flowers, but given the frosty history, jewellery might be more appropriate.

Speaking of Jane, a recent protest for marijuana reform has revealed the best argument against it is in fact the protesters themselves. Onlookers described the march as “disorganised” and “incoherent”, with some noticing the group appeared to forget where it was marching to.

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