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September 30, 2013 | by  | in Opinion |
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Things That Go Bump in the Night

Lux Lisbon on…

FOREPLAY

The power of foreplay cannot be underestimated; just the right amount of anticipation will have you begging for it, and ensure some of the best sex you can have.  A lot of people are a little disillusioned and ill-informed when it comes to just what foreplay is; it’s not limited to the exchange of saliva and some heavy petting. I can’t speak for every woman out there, but for me foreplay is incredibly important, and so much of the enjoyment that flows from a good fuck is what is going on inside your own head. Foreplay is the best way to get a busy mind in the game.

Dealing out an oily massage is an excellent way to warm up to the main event. It is a widely accepted fact that everyone looks and feels sexier when they are nude and oiled up; it’s great for your skin, and it will make you feel super-relaxed. Plus, it is only fair that your partner then returns the favour.

If you and your sexual partner are planning on spending some time together at a later time, a sexy and suggestive text message or a phone call can be a very welcome lead-in and means of foreshadowing just what you plan to do to them later. I’m not talking cringeworthy message from some terrible women’s mag like, “I push you down on the bed and unzip your pants using only my tongue,” but something you would really say to your partner: a little in-joke; what you want from them or to do to them. Get creative; it should be fun and easy.

Foreplay can be something you enjoy on your own too, before bringing your partner into the mix. Try taking a shower or a bath and letting your mind and body relax, thinking about what you would like to do to your partner or what you would like to have done to you. Now is also a good time to explore your own body, touch yourself, and get things moving along. Telling your boo all about your alone time may also aid as excellent foreplay too—the possibilities are endless.

ORAL SEX

Cunnilingus seems to be a controversial topic, cloaked in taboo. Too many women are uncomfortable with it because of the sex-negative messages associated with the female body. Many have been told that the smell/taste is super-unpleasant (LIES) and men just aren’t that into it (LIES). And so we are left with this weird dynamic where men are unsure about dealing it out and women are uncomfortable at the thought of receiving it. But I urge you kids: do not fear the moustache ride.

When it comes to pleasing anyone, something that will get one person all hot and bothered may do absolutely nothing for someone else, and sometimes that particular thing that did get your partner incredibly hot last time just won’t the next time you try. This is why communication is essential. When in doubt, start slowly, and remember all the magic when it comes to oral is in the clitoris. Long, slow strokes will serve you well when you’re starting out. And make sure it’s nice and wet down there; a wet pussy is a happy pussy. Chances are if you have laid on a little foreplay, things will be heating up downstairs, but a little saliva never goes astray.

Some women may enjoy being penetrated at the same time: try inserting a finger or two while going to work on her clit with your tongue. Ask her if that feels good, and if you get a positive response, you know you’re doing well, kitten.  Anal play is another part of sex which many women are uncomfortable with and not too keen to try, either because of their personal feelings about it or because of the stories they’ve heard.  You could start by just applying a bit of contact in this area and move from there; ask her how it feels, and then you can decide whether to keep going or move onto another area.

And a word for you ladies: only you can feel what is going on, what is good, what isn’t so good—so for the best oral sex, be sure to speak up! From my experience, if a guy has his head between your legs, he is there to please, and if there’s something he can do to get you off, he will happily oblige.

——

Seymour on…

We talk a lot about the deed itself in this column, but foreplay is to many people—myself included—more important. Sure, you can be skilful in the sack, but you’re not a decent lover unless your pre-game is good.

What feels good to you will not necessarily feel good to your partner, but a good place to start is knowing what works for you, and giving it a go on someone else. The most important thing is being able to read your partner. Foreplay is intimate, and sensual—you can’t get decent foreplay from a one-night stand—it comes from knowing the other person.

If you’re lucky, it’ll be obvious when your partner enjoys something. Listen for irregularities in their breathing that match up to things you’re doing, and learn to tell the difference between a sharp intake of breath resulting from pain, and one resulting from pleasure. Do they moan? Excellent. Do that again. Not everyone’s a moaner, of course, and if you’re not someone who makes a lot of noise, don’t feel like you have to.

There’s less pressure to perform in foreplay, and it’s a perfect opportunity to explore. Find out if your partner has really sensitive fingertips, armpits, nipples, ears, elbows, a sensitive neck or collarbone. Tease them a little! Try not to break the mood, but it’s better to talk about something than make someone feel gross, or make them feel pain (that they’re not enjoying).

BLOW JOBS

Remember all the foreplay stuff we just talked about? All that still applies. Balls, the insides of thighs, the area around the base of the penis, and the perineum are all sensitive areas that you shouldn’t neglect. Your partner might enjoy being teased by you paying attention to these areas and leaving their cock alone for a bit. Suck their balls into your mouth one at a time, but be super-gentle about it. When you’re really turned on, balls can take more action than usual, but they’re still delicate. Play nice.

Lick your way up the shaft gently, take your time, and then swirl your tongue around the head, retracting the foreskin with your hands if necessary. This is the most sensitive part of the penis, so spend some time here, teasing as much as you want, and stay aware of how your partner is reacting to what you’re doing.

Take more and more of the penis into your mouth, making sure you cover it with plenty of saliva. You’ve no doubt heard it before, but Jesus, be careful of your teeth—use your tongue and lips to avoid scraping any part of the penis. In fact, be aware of your tongue all the time—it’s awesome, and it seems a shame to waste such a dextrous muscle. One of my favourite things is to zigzag your tongue along the shaft as you go up and down on it.

Will you swallow? I usually do because I’m a) too awkward to find somewhere to spit and b) kinda like it anyway. That doesn’t mean you have to though! If you don’t want to, and you’re less awkward than I am, you can find your own solution.

DEEP-THROATING

Angles angles angles. In most cases you’ll be dealing with a pretty erect penis, so there won’t be a lot of bending going on, and that means that it’s your throat that has to change position to accommodate it. Your throat curves down, so if your partner’s dick curves up, it’ll be difficult or impossible to take it down your throat if you’re positioned between their legs. You might want to try 69-ing to line things up better. Conversely, if their cock curves downwards then blowing them in a 69 position will be harder, but easier if you’re between their legs. Arrange yourself in a position where you’re able to tilt your head back slightly, to straighten out your throat.

It’s best initially if the person giving the BJ is in control—after some practice, and with decent trust between the two of you, you can branch out. Try lying on your back with your head off the edge of the bed—then your partner can have more control and see their dick distending your throat, which is fucking hot.

The penis needs to be well-lubricated (with saliva), and your throat needs to be relaxed. If you’re one of the lucky people with no gag reflex who can do this first time, congratulations, but for the rest of us, deep-throating is something you have to work at. Keep your tongue relaxed and towards the front of your mouth, not constructed at the back.

You’ll probably have to push a little to get the penis into your throat. When I do it, it seems to happen quite suddenly, and the more times you do it the more prepared for it you are. Moving your head side to side a bit can help make things smoother, help find a better angle, and will feel good. Go slow, be aware of your gag reflex, don’t overdo it—it’s better to pull back and try again than to go hard out and bruise yourself.

Lastly, deep-throating isn’t something that’s required for a good blow job. Sure, it feels good, but so do plenty of other things. The thickness of the penis makes all the difference, and a thinner one will be so much easier to swallow. If you can’t deep-throat for whatever reason, don’t worry! It’s fun, but it’s a sometimes food and is not the be-all and end-all of oral.

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