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October 7, 2013 | by  | in News |
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LOL News

COCA-LOLA

Coke have apologised after a woman with a disabled sibling opened a cap lid to find “YOU RETARD” printed underneath.

The words were printed as part of a campaign which randomly assigns one English and one French word under the cap. The French word ‘retard’ roughly translates to ‘delay’ in English.

While the word has now been removed from any future printings, Coke admit there may be some caps bearing the word still out in circulation.

CLERIC DRIVES WOMEN WILD

Women who drive risk damaging their ovaries, according to a Saudi Arabian cleric.

Sheikh Saleh bin Saad al-Lohaidan, a judicial adviser, said women aiming to overturn the driving ban should put “reason ahead of their hearts, emotions and passions”. Only men can drive legally in the Islamic kingdom, though a campaign for women has increasingly gained traction in recent years.

“If a woman drives a car, not out of pure necessity, that could have negative physiological impacts, as functional and physiological medical studies show that it automatically affects the ovaries and pushes the pelvis upwards.

“That is why we find those who regularly drive have children with clinical problems of varying degrees,” the Sheikh said.

There is nothing in Islamic law to prevent women from driving, possibly because cars were not invented until 700 years after the laws were written.

BEEP TEST? TRY BEER TEST

An American PE teacher who was drunk on the job is suing the school at which he worked for wrongful termination.

While the teacher claims his slurred speech and bloodshot eyes were a result of having had “nine beers” with dinner the night before, his blood alcohol level the next day suggested otherwise, as the man was nearly twice the legal driving limit.

“It is highly likely that students observed his high level of intoxication, slurred speech and watery eyes,” the school said, though the man claims this didn’t matter as his drunkenness wasn’t “flagrant misconduct”.

Salient can only speculate as to what ‘flagrant misconduct’ would be.

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