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October 7, 2013 | by  | in News |
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Stay Classy, World

Israel is looking like a jealous spouse as ties between its best friend and worst enemy improve. US President Barack Obama spoke on the phone to new Iranian President Hassan Rouhani last week, to calls of “wolf in sheep’s clothing” and “he doesn’t know you like I do” from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

The US Government shut down last week, with over 700,000 government employees off work indefinitely until Congress can pass a budget. Tourists who will miss out on seeing the now-closed Grand Canyon, Statue of Liberty, and other national parks and monuments, are pretty upset, but probably not as upset as the children whose cancer-treatment trials have been suspended.

Websites of The Washington Post], CNN, and Time] magazine have been attacked by Syrian hackers, apparently after staff members clicked on a spoof email. Employees were too busy getting Smile City coupons to reply to Salient’s questions.

British Prime Minister David Cameron has suggested cutting benefits for under-25s, so that everyone in that age bracket can either be “earning or learning”. There’s no punchline to this one.

A student has been hit by the creeping realisation that, despite their best intentions, they have not managed to keep up with their readings. The revelation was reported to be “particularly devastating”, given it is now the sixth trimester in a row such a thought has occurred.

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