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October 14, 2013 | by  | in Opinion |
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Things That Go Bump in the Night

What a year it has been, sharing all that is confusing, delightful, engaging, intriguing, and sometimes totally hilarious about sex. If I have managed to share with you all anything at all, I hope it is that sexual encounters and experiences—whether alone or with a partner—are supposed to be fun for everyone involved, and the key is to communicate what you want and what you need. I think that so long as you are both comfortable and honest, not terribly much can go wrong.

However, in my parting wisdom, I felt it appropriate to express to you all how important it is to look after number one, because sometimes sex can have some not-so-desirable side effects. It’s true: sex is awesome, but whether you are in the habit of having unprotected oral, anal or vaginal sex on the regular or if you have only done it once, it is so important to get yourself to a clinic to have regular sexually transmitted infection check-ups. Even if you have no symptoms, it is always possible that you may have picked something up which could cause you a bunch of grief later down the track, and more often than not it is something which can be treated reasonably easily with a course of antibiotics.

Student Health do them for free, and all you need to do is give them a bell and make a request to see a nurse; simple as that. You can also go along and see someone at your regular GP or pop into your local Family Planning Clinic.

Sure, maybe it can be a little awkward having to get your kit off in front of a nurse, but they really are seasoned professionals who have seen it all before, and it is certainly a better option than discomfort or infertility. For women, when you attend Student Health you can now ‘self-test’, meaning you can slip into the privacy of a bathroom, insert the test swab, pop it back in the test tube and hand it over to the nurse. On that note, ladies, you should also be sure to get your cervical smear testing ticked off the list annually—it may be a little uncomfortable but it really could save your life.

Look after your sexy bits, and they will look after you.

Lux you long time,



Fistal Responsibility

21 October is International Fisting Day. International Fisting Day has been promoted by a bunch of queer porn stars and directors to bring attention to the way that fisting is often forbidden in mainstream porn, mostly because large studios fear being hit with an obscenity suit if they show fisting, and because they are concerned some retailers won’t stock porn which shows fisting. International Fisting Day is also my favourite holiday. I love fisting, whether I’m the fisted partner or the fistee. Fisting is intense and sometimes emotional, and often makes me really impressed and awed by my body. The first time I was fisted and the first time I squirted are the times I have been most content with and happy in this body of mine.

Fisting often seems to get written off as being weird, or extreme, or violent, and it’s often censored out of porn released in New Zealand on the grounds that it is obscene. Why is a fist obscene? Why does the addition of a thumb take a sex act from acceptable to illegal to show on film? Fisting has a strong presence in queer indie porn, and is the only sex act which could be performed between any two (or more) consenting parties no matter their gender. If you’re sufficiently bendable, you can even fist yourself.

The presentation of fisting as obscene and ‘degrading’ (the reason often given in censorship decisions, according to porn editor Amie Wee) confuses the hell out of me and out of plenty of other fisting aficionados I know. Fisting for me is something I do with a trusted partner (not that this is the only right way to go about it!) and something I do slowly. As the saying goes, it is very much about the journey more than the destination, and fisting shouldn’t be solely about taking someone’s entire hand. It might take weeks or months, or longer to work up to that, and it isn’t a pass-or-fail sexy-time course. It requires a huge amount of focus to fist your partner, and being fisted draws your attention to everything about how you and your partner are interacting more completely than anything else I know of.

Literally the only thing stopping me waxing lyrical about how much I enjoy having a hand in my butt for pages at a time is the word count of this column, so I’ll leave you with the suggestion that if you’re interested in fisting, then plugging ‘International Fisting Day’ into the ol’ Google machine will net you plenty of resources to get started.


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