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April 13, 2014 | by  | in Bent Opinion |
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Hello everyone,

I might as well jump in with what I know about the topic of sex within the queer community.

I’ll start with females and non-binary gender. In the queer realm, sex can basically be anything. Touching genitals, using toys and basically, as far I know, getting naked and playing with each other’s bits whatever they may or may not be.

It is very important to make it clear that sex does not just cover sexual intercourse. Sex for the main part is whatever you make of it. Are you a virgin? You could be! My definition of sex and what it takes to lose your virginity might not be the same as yours. While within the straight community if you have been penetrated you have lost your virginity, some couples might not be able to have that kind of sexual relationship but still have sex and still lose their virginity. The whole concept of sex is very heteronormative and doesn’t really cross-over the best.

If you want to know more, I recommend finding either a good website or, for the more personal touch, a member from UniQ who identifies similarly to you, and you could have a chat. Trust me: we’re very open.

Male-on-male sex is pretty self-explanatory in concept – one tops and one bottoms (if you’re talking about penetration); but like ANY OTHER KIND OF SEX, there are things you should think of, the main ones being CONSENT and PROTECTION. Consent isn’t a one-time thing: make sure your partner is okay the whole time. And you don’t need to always be a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’: you can be both, and that’s called being versatile.

The top is the guy who puts his penis into the other guy, the bottom. A top should always use a condom and lube; “It doesn’t fit” or “It kills my erection” are shitty excuses, and if they use these on you, ditch them: you’re better than that. They’re in control during sex, so you should make sure you’re as safe as possible. Tops PLEASE start slow because as much fun as having internal organs rearranged is, no one likes to be ripped a new one.

Bottoms, you should be enjoying this. If it hurts, try some foreplay, use some lube and try to relax! You can clean yourself out with a douche and some lukewarm water beforehand (you have no nerves for temperatures in your anus so don’t burn yourself). Do not use soap. I don’t generally do this: going to the toilet, having a shower and making sure you’re clean is generally enough and has been fine and dandy for me, but if you’re worried then go ahead.  Check out for more help.

Good luck and have fun,

Jonny Abbott

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:   I wanted to write this piece, in order to connect to all tauira within the University, with the hope that we can all remind ourselves that we are a part of an environment which is valuable, no matter our culture, our beliefs or our skin colour. The ultimate purpose of this