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May 4, 2014 | by  | in Features |
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Growers’ Almanac

The Government is proposing to change the law around objectionable publications. Under the new system, possessing a magazine which includes instructions on how to grow cannabis would be punishable by up to ten years in prison. The maximum punishment you can get for actually growing cannabis is just eight years’ imprisonment.

This is fucking ridiculous.

So Salient decided to make criminals out of all of you, and include a grower’s guide to growing green (as if planting seeds and watering them until they grow is some big secret). Just by holding this magazine, you’re committing a crime worthy of ten years in prison.

INGREDIENTS:
– Seeds
– Soil
– Water
– Sunlight

Step 1: ACQUIRING SEEDS
Order them online. It’s illegal but hardly ever prosecuted. If you use sites like www.weedsupreme.com, you can get ‘stealth shipping’. $50 should be enough to get ten seeds. Order feminised ones, as the female cannabis plant produces the skunkiest buds.

Step 2: GERMINATION
Put the seeds about 2 cm deep into the soil in your pot. Cover with damp soil. Keep in a warm area. After a couple of days, you should see shoots growing. Easy.

Step 3: GENERAL CARE
Water the plant daily, but not so much that it drowns. Leave it in the sunlight for the entire day. After a couple of months it should be ready to be harvested.

Step 4: HARVESTING
Cut the plant off at the base. Pick each of your buds off and leave them to dry for a couple of days. Then get so high you green out on the couch.

Step 5: SALE
Text your friends: “Tinnies for sale, $20 each”. Exchange your product for cash. Profit.

It doesn’t take a genius to see that it doesn’t take a genius to grow cannabis. Too bad this country is run by idiots.

 

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