Viewport width =
May 4, 2014 | by  | in Features |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Growers’ Almanac

The Government is proposing to change the law around objectionable publications. Under the new system, possessing a magazine which includes instructions on how to grow cannabis would be punishable by up to ten years in prison. The maximum punishment you can get for actually growing cannabis is just eight years’ imprisonment.

This is fucking ridiculous.

So Salient decided to make criminals out of all of you, and include a grower’s guide to growing green (as if planting seeds and watering them until they grow is some big secret). Just by holding this magazine, you’re committing a crime worthy of ten years in prison.

– Seeds
– Soil
– Water
– Sunlight

Order them online. It’s illegal but hardly ever prosecuted. If you use sites like, you can get ‘stealth shipping’. $50 should be enough to get ten seeds. Order feminised ones, as the female cannabis plant produces the skunkiest buds.

Put the seeds about 2 cm deep into the soil in your pot. Cover with damp soil. Keep in a warm area. After a couple of days, you should see shoots growing. Easy.

Water the plant daily, but not so much that it drowns. Leave it in the sunlight for the entire day. After a couple of months it should be ready to be harvested.

Cut the plant off at the base. Pick each of your buds off and leave them to dry for a couple of days. Then get so high you green out on the couch.

Step 5: SALE
Text your friends: “Tinnies for sale, $20 each”. Exchange your product for cash. Profit.

It doesn’t take a genius to see that it doesn’t take a genius to grow cannabis. Too bad this country is run by idiots.


Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. An (im)possible dream: Living Wage for Vic Books
  2. Salient and VUW tussle over Official Information Act requests
  3. One Ocean
  4. Orphanage voluntourism a harmful exercise
  5. Interview with Grayson Gilmour
  6. Political Round Up
  7. A Town Like Alice — Nevil Shute
  8. Presidential Address
  9. Do You Ever Feel Like a Plastic Bag?
  10. Sport

Editor's Pick

In Which a Boy Leaves

: - SPONSORED - I’ve always been a fairly lucky kid. I essentially lucked out at birth, being born white, male, heterosexual, to a well off family. My life was never going to be particularly hard. And so my tale begins, with another stroke of sheer luck. After my girlfriend sugge