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May 18, 2014 | by  | in Opinion The Bone Zone |
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The Bone Zone

How do I make a friend understand that I very much want a “yes homo” relationship.

Ahh, ye olde friend crush – or as the kids are calling it: the FILF. Haven’t we all been there at some stage or other? The lingering gazes they never pick up on… The replacement of “bud” and “mate” with “babe” and “my love”… The mutual friends assuring you it’s a terrible idea and will ruin “the vibe of the group, y’know?”… Falling for one of your friends ain’t easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s worth writing off altogether. If you pull it off, it can be fantastic, and if it doesn’t work out, then at least you still get to see this person on the regular under the auspices of SS Friendship.

First things first, are you sure your friend would be down for a “yes homo” relationship? Sadly, however we might wish, sometimes these things just don’t swing our way (see, Exhibit A: lengthy list of beautiful gay men I would marry if only they’d have me; Exhibit B: my longstanding conviction that the one and only negative of the gay-liberation movement is that being a Beard is no longer a legitimate lifestyle choice).

Secondly, are you sure you are down for this relationship? Given that you probably want to maintain your friendship with this person even if they aren’t picking up what you are putting down, then it’s best to be sure before dropping anchor. While it may seem screamingly obvious to you right now, when you spend every waking minute thinking about them, beware the risks of confusing genuine interest with a flight of fancy. I, for one, have been known to fall deeply ‘in love’ with a friend for the resemblance they bore to a character in my favourite sitcom du jour. Fortunately, the series ended – and so too did my manic infatuation – before I had confessed my undying love.

Assuming the answer to both of those questions is yes, however, let’s move on.

As simple as it may seem, the fastest, easiest and most genuine way to make them understand is to just tell them. Sure, it might be awkward, but it’s exponentially better than biting your tongue and swallowing your sexual frustration for however long it takes them to pick up on the meaning of your increased use of kiss-blowing emojis, right? And, even if they don’t feel the same way, at the very least they’ll appreciate your honesty. There are very few times when people enjoy being confronted with absolute honesty, but being told that someone likes you enough to want to lick the inside of your face ain’t so bad at all.

And remember, things are – generally – only as awkward as you make them. Whatever happens, you are perfectly capable of sailing this puppy back to friendly waters.

Ahoy!
Cupie xx

My boyfriend wants me to peg him… Help!

Well, aren’t you just looking for help in all the right places! While your boyfriend’s request has obviously alarmed you, let me assure you, you’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about.

Firstly, it is completely normal and natural for your guy to be into pegging. Contrary to popular bigotry, it doesn’t mean he’s a pussy, or secretly wants a dick up his bum (but if he does, that’s cool too). Nope, this man just knows the key to a next-level orgasm. Inside all male butts is the prostate gland, which, when stimulated, acts as the equivalent of the female G-spot – and one way to tap dat is through pegging.

‘Pegging’, for the uninitiated, is when a woman has anal sex with a guy using a strap-on dildo. As with all forms of anal play, it’s really important that you start small (strap-ons come in a variety of shapes and sizes to suit your needs), use a tonne of lube, and always wash and sterilise your toys afterwards. You can pick up a dildo and harness for upwards of the $50 mark at any sex store, along with specially designed anal lubes and toy-cleaners.

If the prospect of harnessing up still fills you with jitters, it’s important that you try to work out what about it exactly is freaking you out, and talk to your boyfriend about it. It may help to start with some more-chill forms of butt fun first, like stroking or fingering, to get used to that part of his body before you peg him. The potential for poo is another common mental barrier when it comes to anal. Fortunately, it’s actually pretty unlikely – just get him to go to the toilet a couple of hours beforehand and keep a towel handy to ensure that ‘surprises’ are kept to a minimum. Although the role reversal may seem a little unnatural, many women find the opportunity to call the shots and set the rhythm empowering, and you can even get strap-ons that penetrate and pleasure you at the same time.

Once you’re ready to start pegging, make sure both of you feel comfortable at all times, and stop as soon as either of you ain’t into it anymore. But most importantly, relax and enjoy the ride!

Best of luck,
Cupie xx

Tip of the Week:
Despite what the likes of Cosmo and  Men’s Health might have you believe, there’s no right way to “drive him wild”, or “make her crave you”. The key to having great sex is not kooky positions, raunchy costumes, or A+ dirrrty talk. It can be all of these things, and it can be none of them. The key to great sex, as obvious as it may seem, is communication. Whether this involves having a heart-to-heart about what each of you are into, yelling out directions while you’re in the throes of passion, or simply paying attention to their reactions and doing more of the stuff that seems to be working well, “dynamite sex” is just a chinwag away.

Sexual Connections:
Got a burning question for Cupie? Ask her about all matters of the heart… and other romantic organs, anonymously at ask.fm/CupieHoodwink.

Got a burning sensation in your nether regions? Give Student Health a call on 463 5308, or pop in to their clinics at Kelburn and Pipitea.

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