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May 4, 2014 | by  | in Features |
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Who’s Dak Girl?

Trying to muse comically about drugs is more difficult than I thought it would be. I don’t really like them. I don’t want to argue about it, because I know you’d be all: “FREE CHOICE LEGALISATION FREEDOM DEREGULATION FREEDOM EFFICIENCY”. If I wanted DebSoc in my ear, I would just indulge in heavy petting with one of the editors. (Business idea: heavy-petting zoo.)

 There are better and worse ways to not be into drugs. I’ve chosen ‘being scared of them’. You think this is a joke. Remember that Starsky and Hutch remake with Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson and how it was about a massive coke deal? I walked out of that movie at 14 because drugs scared the bejesus out of me. When my mum was training to be a nurse ten years ago, she had to do an assignment about BZP, so we had some in the house. I used to check up on the packet obsessively to make sure she hadn’t taken it. I don’t know if this is normal for a 12-year-old. I don’t think it is, but it is more normal than trying to stop my brother from watching The OC for fear that he would become cooler than me, which was something else I did at age 12.

This fear of drugs used to just be part of a weird aversion to breaking the law. Any of my friends who saw me drive past on the way to school without stopping for them because I was on a restricted licence will vouch for this.

Being rigidly afraid of stuff that everyone else seems to be relaxed over – alcohol, weed, pills, whatever – can make you feel a bit nuts. Especially where it’s not based on any negative personal experience, just a mental list of some negative consequences you heard about that resonated much more strongly than any positive ones.

As an aside, you feel very uncool and much less smug than you’d imagine when you’re a teen and some adult is like, “My child, your peer, is doing this thing that stresses me out,” and you betray their kid by saying: “Oh, yeah that is stressful, I’m scared shitless of that. I just read Stephen Fry’s biography – how aspirational is being in the Cambridge Footlights?”

The smart thing to do when you’re scared of something is try to combat your fear, I guess. There’s not much incentive where your fear is breaking the law, but I was also pretty wary of alcohol and jaywalking,* so there was a lot of personal growth to be getting on with. I was reassured again and again (whether explicitly or implicitly) by people that I trust, that if I’m comfortable around whoever I’m doing whatever with, there’s no reason for me to be scared. 420tely,** “have cool friends that make you feel good whatever you decide to do” is a broad lesson that caught most of the hang-ups.

Now that I’m not that scared (“not that scared” here meaning ‘can watch films that have cocaine as a plot instrument’), the fear has been replaced by disinterest. This disinterest has a culprit.

That culprit is weed stories.

Two criteria must be satisfied to unleash this vitriol: (a) the story begins “I was/we were high/smashed/pinging hard,” and (b) the story is shit. There are a lot of shit stories that don’t involve some kind of altered mind, and there are a lot of good stories that do. What needs to happen from here, as part of this new thing I’m doing where I treat everything I write like a policy paper, is either people stop telling these stories OR they tell me what it is that I talk about that’s as boring to them as their weed anecdotes are to me.

I asked one of my friends, a member of what I like to call the ‘casual weed-smoking intelligentsia’, for his opinion on weed stories. He said: “You better not refer to me as a member of the casual weed-smoking intelligentsia,” “I have a love–hate relationship with weed; I used to do it much more, but now sitting around watching a movie high is not the most fun thing I could do at any given time,” and “Getting high and going on adventures has been one of my favourite things about uni”.

 

See how that paragraph sucked?! There are just more interesting things to talk about. (I should mention that my friend is still a great guy.)

I wish you the best in your casual use of whatever it is you use. Tobacco, caffeine, alcohol, marijuana, Deep Heat, Lipitor, pawpaw, Bonjela – yeah, I got all the major ones, I think. Just be comfortable with whatever you do. If you have no interest in smoking weed, don’t do it just because you have a crush on someone who likes getting high, as part of your many-pronged approach to making them love you. Look, I know that sounded specific, but it was definitely general. I can physically feel some of you relating to it. Be well.

______________
* Not a weed pun. There is a great one coming, though.
** There it is.

 

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