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July 20, 2014 | by  | in Opinion The Bone Zone |
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The Bone Zone

Despite being educated of its importance from early on, bombarded with public health messages featuring catchy jingles and glossy ad campaigns, and showered with free condoms once we got to university, us young’uns are notoriously bad at using contraception. A 2012 study of nearly 3000 young New Zealanders confirmed what most of us probably already assumed to be the case: only 50 per cent of us had used a condom the last time we had sex. And while discussing contraception might seem more suited to your high-school health class rather than The Bone Zone, given that great sex is safe sex, healthy bodies are the hottest ones, and we’re all being really stupid when it comes to both of those things, it’s high time we had a wee chat.

‘Contraception’, which is derived from the Latin for ‘no babies’, is perhaps something of a misnomer, given that contraception is important for all sexual relationships – regardless of what’s going where, and whether your union is even biologically capable of making a baby. If you have genitalia that you intend to rub all over someone else’s genitalia, then – no buts about it – it’s your business to make sure that you’re protected. Unless you’re in a monogamous sexual relationship, with both partners well up-to-date with a glowing STI report card from Student Health, then you need a barrier method up in thurrr, pronto. This means condoms (male or female) if there’s a dick involved, and dental dams (chronically underutilised, but available in yum flavours from Family Planning, chemists, or online, or DIY from condoms or rubber gloves) if you intend to be licking pussy or munching butt.

So if it’s as simple as rolling out the rubber and peeing into a cup once in a while, why aren’t more of us just getting on with it?

In the course of my field research, I’ve come across many a heartfelt objection to being safe. I’ve been with men who claimed, “My penis just doesn’t like condoms,” men who had never bought their own condoms, and men who didn’t even know how to put one on, despite having been sexually active for a number of years. What stands out from these experiences is the overwhelming expectation that contraception simply isn’t something that these young men thought they had to worry about. Unwanted pregnancies, the risk of STIs – these were, to their minds, ‘Women’s Issues’, along with period pain, whether to have children or a career, and dealing with lukewarm spunk seeping out of your body when gravity runs its course half an hour after business time is over.

This, quite frankly, isn’t good enough. The fact that there is an page dedicated to sassy lines you can use to persuade your partner to practise safe sex speaks volumes – 50 per cent of us didn’t use a condom last time we had sex, and that’s because 50 per cent of us just don’t give a fuck.

That those who insist on safe sex can be made to feel awkward, embarrassed, prudish, distrustful, unloving, a mood killer or a party pooper is completely absurd. Safe sex is in everybody’s interests, and you should never be made to feel – or make anyone feel – like a fool for wanting to wrap the tool. After all, do you know what really “kills the mood”? Chlamydia. What else “doesn’t feel as good”? Genital warts. And if you just can’t enjoy sex with a condom, you’re probably going to enjoy it even less with gonorrhoea.

There really is no excuse. Three months’ worth of contraception costs less than a beer, and STI checks are completely free. Be prepared – keep a flat supply of condoms in with your earthquake kit, for those not-so-civil emergencies. And remember, if you ain’t got a rubber, what the hell are you even thinking trying to put that in there?

Be smart, be safe, be sexy,
Cupie xx

Quickie of the Week:

Is sex even that great?
The thing with sex is, like many things in life, it is what you make it. Pardon my cliché, but really, what other explanation is there for the fact that one relatively simple, biological act can be, on the one hand, so mind-blowing you’re still getting shivers thinking about it the next day, and on the other, rhythm-less, pleasure-less, and when you ask them to stop halfway through they promptly fall asleep inside you? The key, I’ve found, has nothing to do with size, beauty, or how long you’ve had a crush on them for, but rather trust, communication, and knowing that you are sexy as hell and deserve to be loved. And if all else fails? Lube up and keep reading The Bone Zone.

 Tip of the Week:

With winter well and truly here, and bringing with it chapped lips, dry skin and a perpetually runny nose, it’s not at all uncommon for your libido to go the same way as your summer tan: AWOL. So if you’re feeling like you’d rather wrap yourself in a duvet than a lover’s limbs at the moment, don’t be too hard on yourself! Spend a little time putting yourself first – treat yourself to a candlelit bath, spend time moisturising your bod from head to toe after a long shower, or put the focus back on kissing and cuddling for a while, and you’ll be sure to be feeling more sexy, and less Sex and the City box-set and a pack of Tim Tams (although that sounds A++) in no time at all.

Sexual Connections:

Got a burning question for Cupie? Ask her about all matters of the heart… and other romantic organs. anonymously at

Got a burning sensation in your nether regions? Give Student Health a call on 463 5308, or pop in to their clinics at Kelburn and Pipitea.


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