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August 3, 2014 | by  | in Opinion Shirt and Sweet |
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Shirt and Sweet

The idea of ~woman~* is a little iffy. It can be difficult to talk about ~woman~ without fucking something up for someone else. But if you have some kind of experience of ~woman~, interest in being ~woman~, some kind of knowledge of ~woman~, then you have a solidly cute position from which you can talk about ~woman~. And you can talk about ~woman~ as shirtily as you want. If you have none of these, then when it comes to all things ~woman~ you should probably step the fuck off. Anyway, the idea of ~woman~ is of questionable usefulness anyway because it reproduces that binary thinking that all those upholding the brand know to be brutally suspicious of. However, there are ways to try:

How to do ~woman~ without reinforcing the binary

First off, ~woman~ implies a certain maturity, a certain comfortable superiority, a kind of sultry electricity. In order to achieve this, you will need to be 23. if you’re not 23 yet, then don’t even bother. Sit tight and wait. You’ll get there one day, kid.

Once reaching the golden age, it’s important for you to realise that society likes ~woman~ to be clean. Thus, you must make society happy (read: no.) by having good hygiene. Do this by bathing in the tears of the elements of the patriarchy (probably men) that you have destroyed.

Alternatively, you may find your ~woman~ at the bottom of a bottle of red wine. Remember that ~woman~ rarely lurks where there is wine that cost more than eight dollars a bottle, so if you reach the end of a bottle and still are not satisfied with ~woman~, perhaps try a goon. Try drinking goon out of cut crystal. Try drinking mulled goon out of jam jars with crochet wrappings to protect your ~woman~ skin from the heat of the mulled goon.

If even after many goon without much ~woman~, it may be time to try something else. Source a mother or some other maternalistic figure, perhaps a Sociology lecturer. Face said maternal figure in battle. Come close to victory but then conglomerate with maternal figure and form a super being. Encounter other ~woman~ energy. Absorb it into yourself. Defeat everything that stands in your path.

Do ~woman~ however the fuck you want. Let no one else (not even me) tell you how you should be doing ~woman~. Tell no one else how to do ~woman~. Stand with other ~woman~s. Be not just ~woman~ but ~women~. Not everything cute and shirty is ~woman~, but ~women~ are everything that is cute and shirty.

*This formatting indicates my own understanding of the constructed nature of anything designated ‘woman’ but without the patronisation of those quotation marks or the social implications of those already in place.

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