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August 10, 2014 | by  | in Opinion The Bone Zone |
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The Bone Zone

i work with a hotty and we’ve got really close lately and we nearly got together but he has a gf Their relationship is on the rocks and i guess most relationships dont last first year with halls and flatting im just worried if the opportunity presents itself again i wont be able to help myself

If we never fell in love with people we weren’t meant to, half of my favourite romantic comedies simply wouldn’t exist. That being said, just because something makes for a good plotline, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the greatest life choice.

Sweets, I have been where you are now, and trust me: the faster you get out of there, the better. I, too, once got really close with a hottie who had a GF but their relationship was on the rocks. Despite my once-strong convictions against infidelity, I fell hard for the guy, coming up with all sorts of justifications for my feelings and excuses for my fantasies. But as much as I told myself that they were basically over anyway, that she seemed weird, and I would be better for him; that he seemed to be interested and we just got on so well – at the end of the day, until they broke up, I would always be ‘The Other Woman’. Regardless of how well he and I got on or how weird she was, that fact alone would put me very much in the wrong, making me the villain to her victim, the Ange to her Jen. Fortunately for me, my dalliance with deceit ended abruptly, before anything physical happened between us. At the time, I was distraught and heartbroken, but I’ve long since viewed the event as a bullet narrowly missed. Wellington, after all, is a tiny place, which makes the rumour mill even more of a bitch to stop once it starts.

What I’m trying to say is: I get it. I know how hard it is to talk yourself down from where you are now, especially when the end of his relationship seems like such a done deal. But while you’re right to point out that most relationships won’t survive the sexual tension of first-year halls or the stressful realities of student flats, that doesn’t give you carte blanche to start digging the grave for this one. However close they seem to breaking up, why not just wait until they actually do? Pashes are a dessert best enjoyed guilt-free.

And, even after considering all that, you’re still hellbent on hooking up with the hottie, fuck what anyone else thinks – then, I would suggest using Cupie’s ol’ rule of thumb when it comes to situations like this: how would you feel if you were in her position? Pretty shitty, huh?

Hold tight,
Cupie xx

In Review:

Sextra: Not-So-Clean Eats

My good friend and former Salient sex columnist, Lux Lisbon, once told me about a wee sexperiment she’d stumbled upon while researching her column. According to the all-knowing entity we call the internet, if you eat a cheeseburger while banging you’re in for one hell of an orgasm, due to the activation of both sexy-time and yum-time receptors in your brain. Being a fan of both sex and burgers, this theory had long intrigued me; finding myself at a loss for what to review this week, I decided to give it a whirl. As my boo and I only enjoy flesh of the carnal variety, we went with Burger King’s Salad Burger, a consistently excellent burg’, but bulkier and harder to hold together while in the throes than a cheeseburger, which explains why I ended up with mayo on my forehead and ketchup in my sheets. Despite the mess and somewhat questionable pseudoscience on which this sextra is based, my compliments go unreservedly to the chef on this one – what a treat! While our experiences of ‘burger banging’ differed somewhat, both parties agreed that the theory had merit. He was intent on devouring the burger in seconds, and said it was hard to focus on both pleasurable activities at once; I savoured my burger at length, and felt good and yum all over – and if that’s not a metaphor for male and female experiences of sex, I don’t know what is. One thing’s for sure: it’s better with the King.

Tip of the Week:

Patience, they say, is a virtue, and if you’ve got a question for Cupie, you’re going to have to be virtuous indeed. As always, I’m always delighted to receive any correspondence you wish to send my way via my – whether it be a genuine question, internet humour, suggestions for column topics, compliments (thanks!), or just to ask me out on a date. Lately, however, I’ve been absolutely inundated, and while I pinky-promise to get through each and every enquiry before the year is through, it might take me a while to get there – I’ve got things to see and people to do, after all. So, if you’ve got a burning question for me – never fear – we’ll get there eventually. And Naughty Nips? You’re up next week xx

Sexual Connections:

Got a burning question for Cupie? Ask her about all matters of the heart… and other romantic organs, anonymously at

Got a burning sensation in your nether regions? Give Student Health a call on 463 5308, or pop in to their clinics at Kelburn and Pipitea.


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