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September 21, 2014 | by  | in Opinion Shirt and Sweet |
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Shirt Sweet

Our generation, Generation Y, Generation Y are we here, Generation Y did our parents fuck everything up so much, Generation Y bother, are often told that we are global citizens. The first generation of true *global* citizens. And yes, we all know how to spell ‘globalisation’ (sometimes we even spell it with a ‘z’ because compression of time and space means that America is always riiiiight there leaning over our shoulder, reading our emails and changing any ‘s’ to “zee”. Interestingly, if you google “how to spell s”, you get heaps of results on how to cast magic spells. V useful!) But this does not mean that we’re global citizens. In fact, most members of our generation are still just as hopelessly racist and ignorant as their racist and ignorant parents. This is why you have to work out:

How to not assume that you’re a global citizen even though you keep getting told that you are just because you’re this generation.

As a launching pad, read LIFE magazines from the ’60s. Gain perspective. Make a photo from LIFE magazine your cover photo on Facebook. Drink your Fairtrade coffee and feel good about your social consciousness. That’s cute. But do also realise that the world is not your oyster. Other cultures are not there for you to wear so you can give your look some weird truncated and hyphenated name like ‘boho-chic’. You are not special and unique. There are seven billion other people with the potential to get up in your space. Seven billion other people with equally detailed lives and complex histories and fucking annoyances with the other people up in their space who are not just inconveniences or ‘ghetto’ or bad drivers or whatever it is that you’ve been bred to think about them. Acknowledge that these people make you better. Interacting with them makes you better. Better than you could ever be if you were a monochromatic, genetically homogenous and intellectually stunted ‘global citizen’.

Hence, I offer a number of different buzzwords and phrases that you can use to describe your identity instead:

  • ‘consciously uncoupled’
  • ‘clicktivist’
  • ‘selfie-curator’
  • ‘hate-watcher’
  • ‘anti-fracking’

And perhaps, if you really do want to push your postcolonial positioning, you could make ‘soft-internationalist’ happen. Or ‘globe-core’. But do remember that the only surefire way you can really show off your international awareness to your friends is by leaving a piece of the body of your enemies on every continent. Prominently displayed in the most romantic tourist destinations. Tastefully presented with ribbons.

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