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Hey Cupie, I’m a girl who’s very much into kinky stuff (general BDSM, D/s, DD/lg etc). I discovered all this while in a long-term committed relationship, but am now single. For my own reasons, I don’t want to look to the kink community to meet someone, so how do I find a compatible partner?
Gurl, I hear ya. Unless you’re all and only about missionary with no buzzy extras on the side, it can be hard to know how to ask for what you want between the sheets. No one wants to feel like a freak in front of their new squeeze, which means that too many of us forego being banged in the way we want to for the sake of seeming ‘normal’.
This is a damned shame. I am very much of the opinion that if we were all a bit more chill about the ways in which we explore each other’s bodies, and a little more open about what does and doesn’t make us feel awesome, everyone would be having way more satisfying sex way more of the time.
Our sexuality and sexual preferences are by no means fixed; they are constantly changing, and are changed by the people we love and the experiences we have. When I was 15, I was so scared of sex that if my boyfriend had wanted to move beyond rubbing my boob through at least two layers of clothing, I’d decided I would suggest he hire a prostitute to satisfy those needs instead. Who would have guessed that just eight years later… What I’m trying to say is, finding a compatible partner is not necessarily a matter of finding someone who is already overtly into kinky stuff. Yes, kink has its own community, but that doesn’t mean that you’re only going to find people who are into kink or at least willing to try it within that group. After all, you discovered what you were into in a relationship, not the kink community, right?
The key, then, is to find yourself a partner who you trust and feel comfortable with. From there, you can begin to explore the things you’re both into, starting small and making sure you’re both having a good time every step of the way. Who knows, you might even discover something new!
Grooming: Hair, there and everywhere
As I’ve said before, how you choose to style your pubes is absolutely a matter of personal preference, and if you’re into free range, don’t let me stop you. Dudes and dudettes alike, if you are thinking of trying out a new look for summer, be warned: not all pube-removal methods are created equal.
Shaving: No. Just no. Shaving your pubes might seem like a quick and painless way to maintain your forbidden forest, but trust me: it’ll only end in itchy red bumps, super-coarse regrowth, and a razor jammed full of hair. Not even once, yo.
Trimming: If you’re keen to do a little maintenance in the privacy of your own home, trimming can be a great way to ensure ease of access to your bits and bobs if you’re blessed with luscious locks down south. If you’re going the scissor route, keep them small – you have a whole lot more control over the tiny blades of nail scissors than you do regular ones. If you’re after a more even, close cut, you can pick up a bikini trimmer for about $30 from Farmers. Most feature a safety guard to stop you from sucking your clit or scrotum straight into its battery-operated maw, which is always helpful.
Waxing: The pinnacle of pube management, waxing has its ups and downs. While it’s the fastest and easiest way to say bon voyage to every last one of your little curlers, it also hurts like hell and can lead to ingrown hairs in very unsavoury places (although, if you moisturise daily for the first week or so, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem).
Normally, I’m a fan of DIY, but when it comes to my pubes, I would much rather pay for someone else to get rid of them for me. Sure, if you do it at home you don’t have to get your kit off in front of a stranger, but remember: waxers are professionals, which means they see this kind of shit every single day. And when it comes to tearing hair out of your most sensitive skin, it’s a hell of a lot easier to get someone else to do it than try and inflict that kind of torture on yourself.
If you’re going to try out professional waxing, do your research first – there’s huge variety when it comes to what you can do with a groin full of hair and a pot of hot wax. Whether you’re just after a cheeky bikini wax so your speedos don’t feature a black, curly frame, or all off errywhere (known as ‘The Hollywood’), it pays to know what to ask for.
Personally, I’m a fan of the Hollywood – in for a penny, in for a hairless butt, as they say. To that end, my favourite waxers in Wellington are Janine and Zoe at Pearl. They’re lovely, and their waxing is fast and as painless as possible – even if it’s your first time or you’ve let your wax grow out so long that it’s starting to look more Amazonian than Brazilian.
Got a burning question for Cupie? Ask her about all matters of the heart… and other romantic organs, anonymously, at ask.fm/CupieHoodwink
Got a burning sensation in your nether regions? Give Student Health a call on 463 5308, or pop in to their clinics at Kelburn and Pipitea.