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We’ve all got one, we all use it every day, but when it comes to sex, a whole lot of us act as if we don’t have a butt at all. Which seems surprising when, for a huge number of people, booty – whether you’re licking it, fingering it, plugging it, pegging it, or fucking it – is a veritable pleasure palace.
So why are some of us so anal when it comes to anal? For some, it’s fear of pain; for others, of pooping all over our partner. For the most part, I suspect, it’s because there’s an outdated and misguided cultural taboo when it comes to bum-plundering, which our formal sex education does absolutely nothing to rebut. Indeed, as 14-year-olds, our health class was taught, in no uncertain terms, that things were only meant to come out – not go into – of “that hole”.
I am certainly guilty of having once uttered the words “I’ll try everything, but…” Yet with age comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes the realisation that for far too many of us – regardless of our gender, sexual orientation, or the tools we’ve got to work with in our pants – butts are an untapped resource when it comes to the search for orgasmic gold. There’s no way The Bone Zone could finish the year having covered everything but, so this week, I’m doing everything butt.
Your Butt and You:
One of the biggest hurdles for most people when it comes to anal is the unknown. Most of us were never taught about our butts in a sexual context, and aside from a daily dump, it’s a part of our body that we don’t think about or look at very often.
As a sexual organ, butts are pretty unique; knowing the basics will help to ensure a much more enjoyable time.
The entry to all butts consists of two rings of muscle (known as sphincters) located fairly close together. The outer ring is the one you’ll be familiar with, which you can consciously clench and unclench. The inner sphincter is not voluntarily controlled, but staying relaxed, taking deep breaths, and moving very, very slowly (whether with a finger, toy or dick) will ensure that passage past the second sphincter is just as comfortable as the first.
The flesh inside your bum (known as your rectum) is quite delicate, and tears more easily than a vagina, for example. For this reason, it’s incredibly important that you ensure your fingernails are kept short, with absolutely no sharp edges before you finger yourself or your partner. Butts are also home to a different colony of bacteria than other areas of your body, so remember to wash your hands and change your condom if you’re – to put it crudely – changing holes.
All of this makes butts seem pretty high-maintenance – and you’re right – but with it comes high reward. From a physical perspective, butts have got the goods. If you’re someone with a dick, then your prostate – the male equivalent to the G-spot – is buried about 5 cm inside your butt, towards the front of the body. If you’re searching for this, you’ll know you’ve arrived when your partner releases an involuntary, guttural moan. Even if you don’t have a prostate, your butt’s a sensitive place with a whole lot of nerve endings, which give you quite a different sensation to your garden-variety vaginal penetration. On the psychological side of things, anal can be both thrilling in that you’re saying a big FU to the taboo, and rewarding in that you and your partner trust each other enough to navigate new humping horizons together.
Prepping Your Perineum:
While butt stuff can feel great and be really enjoyable for both partners, it won’t be if you’re not ready, comfortable and relaxed. If you’ve ever had a wayward dick bunt against your butt when you’re changing positions, you’ll know that’s not a tight spot one can simply accidentally find themselves in. If it’s your first time getting down with the brown, make like a scout and be prepared.
The best first step you can take is to do a little self-exploration beforehand. This is best achieved when you’re turned on anyway, as you’ll be more open to a little butt-broaching than in the cold light of day. Start small, by simply stroking the ring and the skin around it, before slowly edging a lubed-up finger in. This way, you can get used to the new sensations and get a better idea of what’s going on down there at your own pace.
From there, getting used to each other’s bodies should be a gradual process – try out and get comfortable with fingering or licking each other’s butts before jumping straight into sticking a dick or a dildo in there. Alternatively, experimenting with a butt plug – worn while you’re doing or receiving other sexy things – can help get you and your body used to bum fun.
Unlike a vagina or a mouth, butts aren’t self-lubricating, which means that if you’re going to put anything anywhere near your booty, make sure everything is covered in a whole lot of lube. To that end, silicone-based lubes are best as they stay slipperier for longer. You’ll find the best variety of lubes at your local sex store, and the lovely staff there can advise what best suits your needs.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly to many detractors’ minds, will you shit everywhere? The short answer: no. Unless you’re pinching the loaf when you take a trip to booty town, you’re unlikely to land yourself in a Code Brown situation. Doing a poo a couple of hours beforehand, and keeping a towel on hand just in case, the worst you’re likely to encounter is a little bit of discolouration or a tiny bit of poop on the condom. You may feel like you need to poo at first, but this is just a natural reflex – in fact, pushing out slightly as if you are taking a dump is likely to relax your inner sphincter. At the end of the day, it pays not to worry about it too much. Our bodies do really gross things all the time, but we manage. When in doubt, think of the happy poo emoji.
PS: For more info on butt plugs or pegging, here’s something I prepared earlier: salient.org.nz/columns/cupie-hoodwinks-guide-to-sex-toys and salient.org.nz/columns/the-bone-zone-6
Got a burning question for Cupie? Ask her about all matters of the heart… and other romantic organs, anonymously, at ask.fm/CupieHoodwink
Got a burning sensation in your nether regions? Give Student Health a call on 463 5308, or pop in to their clinics at Kelburn and Pipitea.