Viewport width =
September 7, 2014 | by  | in Arts Film |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Why The Expendables 3 is the shit.

5 Stars

Dude. I don’t wanna flaunt it or anything but… I lift, man; like twice a day, everyday. Get up, the adrenaline is pumpin’. That protein powder is the bomb.  And guess how much milk I drink? Not 5, not 7, not 8 but 9 litres of full-fat milk a week. I’m bulkin’, man. I’m self-disciplined. Train like a beast, look like a beauty: that’s my life philosophy. But DUDE: after The Expendables, I’m ’mirin’ Stallone’s aesthetics. Holy shit, man. No wonder drunk bitches ain’t been picking up on my sexual dynamo.

This movie had everything a dude like me wants after paying 15 bucks. None of this conversational, subtitled shit. It’s full of guns, explosions, fist fights, tanks, motorbikes… and all the classics. Jet Li, Wesley Snipes, Randy Couture, Harrison Ford. Arnold Schwarzenegger, what a legend. Man, how does he do it, keeping so swole at his age? Mel Gibson though. He think he’s all that, strutting around intimidating these ruthless fellas. I could take him on. He was still ripped… don’t think I’m homo, just stating the obvious. The fighter chick was hot. Oh man, she was smokin’. She kicked a few asses. Didn’t say much either, for once. I like it that way, less distracting. Although she had a bit of attitude to those fine fellas in places. Not her place. They were saving her fine ass.

There were some wacky-as stunts. That bit where the jet boat just flies out of the water and lands on the truck. XTREME. And they all survive. Must be Stallone’s lucky ring. Fuckin’ funny as well.

Brah, you gotta see it. It’s mint.

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. An (im)possible dream: Living Wage for Vic Books
  2. Salient and VUW tussle over Official Information Act requests
  3. One Ocean
  4. Orphanage voluntourism a harmful exercise
  5. Interview with Grayson Gilmour
  6. Political Round Up
  7. A Town Like Alice — Nevil Shute
  8. Presidential Address
  9. Do You Ever Feel Like a Plastic Bag?
  10. Sport
1

Editor's Pick

In Which a Boy Leaves

: - SPONSORED - I’ve always been a fairly lucky kid. I essentially lucked out at birth, being born white, male, heterosexual, to a well off family. My life was never going to be particularly hard. And so my tale begins, with another stroke of sheer luck. After my girlfriend sugge