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October 12, 2014 | by  | in Features |
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In its infinite wisdom, the Publications Committee has handed me the reigns of Salient for 2015. Among those who know me, there have been three flavours of response: “Huh?”; “LOL”; and references to that scene in Mean Girls where someone shouts “She doesn’t even go here”. So I guess I have a lot of proving-myself to do, although I have, at least, finally gotten around to watching Mean Girls (meh).

I’m a Christchurch-born and Otago-educated washed-up hack. This being the case, I can only assume I was hired to increase Salient’s quotient of bad sheep puns, and to end every sentence with the word ‘cunt’. So that’s what I’ll be doing, cunt. And I’d like you to join me at this wonderful maaaagazine.

As a relative stranger to your labyrinthine university, I’m going to need all the help I can get, lest I end up peppering Salient with crashingly misplaced references to “Scarfies on the piss” or getting stranded in some obscure overgrown pathway and gradually expiring, dehydrated, windswept and alone.

That’s where you come in. I need a posse.

The members of this posse should be committed to high-quality journalism, and should recognise and relish the freedom that student media offers. They should be eager to improve their skills. They should be ready to work collaboratively on ambitious stories, and to constantly push me to do better. They should be available for regular BYOs. This posse can appeal to the lowest common denominator in its sleep, and is ready for something more.

I’ll be hiring paid staff for Salient 2015 in the coming weeks, and will be looking for volunteers over summer. Next year, Salient will be stepping up its online and audiovisual presence, and we’re looking to create some new roles and expand existing ones – watch this space. For more details on the positions available, see page 40.

The kind of people I’m after include:

  • People who really liked Voltaire’s Bastards by John Ralston Saul, but think it could have done with more jokes about poo;
  • People who find student politics fascinating in a Benny Hill kind of way;
  • People who buy lots of books which they may or may not read;
  • People who have a pop-culture reference for every occasion;
  • People who can explain why the words ‘Cambridge philosophy professor’ should have set off alarm bells from day one;
  • People who enjoy stunning harbour views.

If this sounds like you, email me at If it doesn’t, email me anyway, because I’m probably just full of shit.

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