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February 22, 2015 | by  | in The Moan Zone |
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The Moan Zone: First World Problems With Tom and Luke

  • The only way to make friends is to not be the one actually trying to make friends.
  • Don’t be a hero. Don’t purchase the most expensive drinks in the first week to look classy. Just grab a box of Cindy’s and leave your dignity in the fridge at the Mill.
  • Be prepared to spend all your money on the first night, because you didn’t pre-drink and now you’re too insecure to talk to anyone in the club.
  • Don’t be ‘that guy’ who falls in love with the girl he kissed on the first Sunday night in O-Week. Seriously.
  • You will wake up at 10am and still feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. It’s a long ride.
  • You will soon realise that all of the clothes you own that you thought were cool are actually shit, cuz now you’re in the ‘style capital’ of NZ.
  • Get set to mortgage your left nut, sacrifice your first born and sell your virginity to afford a second-hand textbook that will lose half its value because another edition will come out the next year.
  • If you want to survive lectures, don’t put your hand up for the first two weeks. Actually, don’t put it up the whole year.
  • If you’re going to turn up 10 minutes late to your 45-minute lecture, don’t bring a full cup of coffee: you have the rest of the day to be unproductive and drink coffee you can’t afford.
  • They lied about the four-week slump, it’s actually not that bad… JK, it’s horrible, and it happens on the Monday of the second week when you realise it’s time to stop drinking and start not reading your textbooks.
  • We hope you like potatoes, rice and pasta (and pasta, rice and potatoes) because the hostels have enough to feed a small African village for an eternity.
  • Get ready to eat every single variety of potatoes, all of which look and taste the same—like shit.
  • The one day you’re not being served cat food, get in early, because apparently $344 a week doesn’t justify everyone getting a piece of steak.
  • Tip of the week: Grab a copy of Salient because it’ll be the most reading you do this week.

See you in town,

Tom and Luke.

P.S. if you’re doing Law… lol.

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Editor's Pick

Ten things I wish my friends knew about being Māori

: 1). I wish my friends knew that when they ask me what “percentage” of Māori I am—half, quarter, or eighth—they make me feel like a human pie chart. I don’t know how people can ask this so nonchalantly, but they do. So I want to let you know: this is a very threatening