This week Salient is needlessly bitchy, but it’s nothing $1800 of holographic stickers won’t cure
As is his wont, President Rick conducted the majority of 30 March’s Executive meeting in a closed session. In fairness to Rick, though, the Exec were passing the budget, and if there’s one thing that students shouldn’t know about it’s how and why VUWSA spends their money.
The Exec also pulled its shroud of secrecy over another matter, which Salient is going to report on anyway because it’s about us—we’re bringing back Salient TV, and we needed some startup funds to tide us over until HBO buys us out for millions of dollars and we all retire to a tropical beach to hang with John Campbell.
So for the 14 April meeting, there would surely be none of that highly classified shit left to discuss. Salient infiltrated the VUWSA lair, bright-eyed and armed with a Red Bull, eager to sit through two hours’ worth of crap too boring to bother putting into committee. But when we arrived, it appeared half the Exec were still on holiday.
“Don’t worry, we’ve got quorum,” Rick assured the room. “Jonathan’s just in the toilet.”
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When Jonathan returned from his poo, he had brought some baking. It looked delicious, but in the spirit of journalistic integrity Salient declined.
The first order of business was Planning Day. The Exec’s Planning Day is (or by the time you read this, was) on Friday. They had planned to plan the Planning Day at the meeting, but after ten minutes or so of planning they planned to finalise the plans for Planning Day by email. Or perhaps they didn’t; Salient was a bit confused.
At the Planning Day, the Exec will draft a new five-year plan for the organisation. They’ve lacked a proper five-year plan for a while: the existing plan was drafted before Voluntary Student Membership, which as we all know fundamentally transformed VUWSA from a moderately well-funded organisation with a really nice van into a gaggle of vanless losers. The new five-year will better reflect current realities.
Rick then did his favourite thing, and moved the Exec into committee to discuss plans to overhaul the VUWSA website, which is a piece of shit. Before doing so, he did reveal that “a few grand” had been allocated to the redesign (to be frank, “a few” probably won’t cut it), and that currently VUWSA doesn’t even have full admin access to its own site. Worst of all, the homepage’s link to the Salient website is wrong (it’s .org.nz, you fuckers).
The VUWSA credit card receipts were then tabled. These need to be approved by the Exec as a whole because the card is under Rick’s name. David Seymour might want to take note of the fact that the Exec apparently spent $1840 on holographic stickers, as well as $683.71 on something that just said “Direct Debit Payment—Thank You”. (You’re welcome?)
“Can I just say one thing?” asked Secretary-Treasurer Jacinta. “I would like to know what these are?” Um, duh—they’re holographic stickers and seven-hundred-dollar thank-you notes. Jeez Jacinta, keep up.
To avoid further awkwardness, the Exec delegated the responsibility for approving future credit card statements to the Audit and Finance Committee—but don’t worry, readers. We will track down those holographic stickers. This ain’t over.
Jacinta then presented the Exec’s work reports. Most of the Exec have worked at least 20 hours above their required number since the start of the year. The exceptions were Equity Officer Chennoah, who was 0.2 hours behind (the students demand those 12 minutes, Chennoah), and Clubs and Activities Rory, who was 26.95 hours behind. The latter will henceforth be known as “naughty Rory” to distinguish him from Wellbeing and Sustainability Rory (aka “good Rory”), who was 52.3 hours ahead. Rick (117.2 hours ahead) and Campaigns Officer Nathaniel (112.05 hours ahead) are leading the having-no-lives competition. Jacinta encouraged the Exec to take some time off during exams (to which Salient would add, also remember to eat and sleep and go poos).
During his President’s report, Rick declared he had had a “lovely week off” during which he stayed away from all forms of communication. “I know,” Chennoah said. “I ended up leaving a message with your dad.”
Rick then gloated about the recent IGM, which achieved quorum in record time. This is possibly because the meeting was held in the Hub, and VUWSA considered anybody looking at them in confusion, or even just sitting down in the general vicinity, to be “attending” the meeting. During the meeting VUWSA also trended on Twitter, because if there’s one thing that screams “student engagement” as opposed to just “beltway crowd slapping each other on the back”, it’s Twitter.