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April 19, 2015 | by  | in The Moan Zone |
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Welcome Back

By now you have probably realised that when writing the Moan Zone, we aim for it to be most appealing to First Years. (Or “Freshers”—that’s what they’re called this year aren’t they?) This is because First Years are yet to become so mature and self-righteous that they couldn’t dare be seen picking up a copy of Salient outside Vic Books.

This week we would like to revisit the holiday that you just had, but didn’t deserve, because we don’t know how less than five weeks of class justifies a two-week break.

If you managed to study during the break, you probably did more work than in the first five weeks combined. This is due to “home guilt”: it’s easy to justify skipping a lecture when it’s down the road from you. But when you are back in your awful hometown, you will suddenly feel motivated to actually do some work. Because you have just come back from the supermarket where all of the dropkicks from high school have now gone full time.

When you first get home you will be dying to see all of your friends who you haven’t seen in “ages!” You will have a classic high school party and will be continuously checking the time to see when the RAs are going to come and kick you out. You will all boast about your new mates, and those people in your year who stayed at home will feel like they have friends again. This happens once. The next time you come home, no one will care that you are home.

You will definitely be looking forward to home cooked meals, after the gruel they serve in your hostel—that food you are still paying for, by the way. However, the sad truth is your tummy can now only handle a Shmuel meal, and your mum’s cooking is way too rich for you.

Tip of the week: Make the most of the time you have in your hostel. Coming back from the holidays makes you realise how great it is to live under the same roof as all of your friends. It will all be over soon, and you will be living in a flat that makes Vic House look nice.

If you’ve given up on uni already, please don’t give up on us,

Luke and Tom

P.S. Blame the Windows 8 Skype App for this issue.

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Ten things I wish my friends knew about being Māori

: 1). I wish my friends knew that when they ask me what “percentage” of Māori I am—half, quarter, or eighth—they make me feel like a human pie chart. I don’t know how people can ask this so nonchalantly, but they do. So I want to let you know: this is a very threatening