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May 3, 2015 | by  | in Visual Arts |
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A livetweet review of Te Papa’s eight new art collections

3:34pm This building is so ugly

3:35pm Why are there so many people here

3:36pm Gettin into the lift it’s packed I feel like a sardine (in a can of sardines).

3:36pm Everyone’s out of the lift!! Private lift!! First class baby!!!

3:37pm Colleague says: I’ve already seen this…I think to myself: what a pretentious wanker.

3:38pm Omg I am a wanker too the first art piece I see is flowers and I am pretty sure I have a poster of it in my room.

3:39pm Wtf these flowers are entitled “consolation of philosophy” and drawn from old dead guy roman politician Boethius who died??????

3:40pm Next art piece: me and colleague go “Mmm yum”

3:40pm Oops photo is not of food, but hats

3:40pm Forever mistaking hats for food

3:41pm Btw we turned left into the gallery first

3:41pm Hard to walk and tweet at same time

3:42pm Approaching table with lots of children… performance art piece???

3:42pm Colleague is v moved by the children

3:42pm Now at magnetic poetry wall

3:42pm We scare away a child

3:43pm Here are some lines of poetry from the wall:

3:43pm “Friend, your electric cloud is fizzing”

3:43pm “See this moon their yellow teeth”

3:44pm “There are fizzing hot butter”

3:44pm “But that man could curl you spiral”

3:45pm “Good bad now”

3:45pm “Fragile dirt favourited your tweet” Live tweet art review is getting attention!! @tepapa

3:46pm Now entering room of quilts

3:47pm Actually lovin these quilts I want them all

3:48pm Colleague and I remaining frighteningly silent… The quilts are acting upon us.

3:51pm We partake in tepapas social media and wait for our photo to show on the tv

3:51pm Doesn’t show, we must not have the tepapa look

3:52pm Sink: spotted (by us and also by an artist…it has paint on it)

3:53pm Looking at the sink and its paint splatters … we are both thinking “explosive diarrhoea”

3:53pm Next to huge red and yellow semi circle … Nice.

3:54pm Art piece says “enough is enough” … Deep.

3:54pm This piece looks like three bloody dicks ???

3:55pm Lots of statues with :O faces look pretty terrifying

3:56pm Te papa art guards making me feel nervous (I’m not taking photos I swear!!!)

3:57pm Screaming baby in background really adding to the art

3:58pm Colleague and I both love a watercolour called “tongue cloud over London” what a classic

3:59pm In front of some unoriginal mondrians…unoriginal originals…how original

4:00pm Now looking at an oil painting called “goblin market”

4:00pm Colleague asks “are you in this sharon”

4:00pm ha ha very funny

4:00pm #goblins

4:01pm Colleague finds mouse in painting v cute, I find it terrifying

4:01pm A lot of this art is terrifying

4:02pm Now looking at a bronze sculpture of nymph and satyr getting it on…we just nod

4:02pm Wish more men looked like goats

4:03pm Looking at a painting called “brass bedstead”…two people looking very sick

4:04pm Next painting is really spooky lots of people looking at one woman real suspiciously and sitting at table with unfinished watermelons

4:05pm Colleague likes a statue’s haircut, contemplates taking photo of it to take to hairdresser

4:07pm Hungry time to go home

See how this micro-blogged review compares to your own experience: see the current Ngā Toi /Arts exhibition at Te Papa, Level 5 from now until October 2015

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