Viewport width =

Smirnoff Double Black + Guarana

Cost: $8
Alcohol Volume: 7%
Pairing: Shame pizza ($2.99 a slice from New World fyi)
Verdict: ★★★★ “God, why do I even drink wine?”

Hello dear readers. Before we start, we’d like everyone to turn on “Graduation (Friends Forever)” by Vitamin C as an accompaniment to the review. We’ll wait here.

For this week, we decided to do the ultimate throwback and start with the drink of choice for every 17-year-old (15-year-old if you’re from Hamilton). Smirnoff Double Black was the real MVP of every puke-stained house party you ever lied to your parents about in high school. With its high alcohol content and lolly water flavour, this teenage dream was proudly brandished in every above-the-head selfie taken on a digital camera and uploaded to Bebo.

Prefaced by a $9 bottle of cat piss wine with a lot of bullshit New World gold medals (notwithstanding our hatred of New World), we decided to record our Double Black review after attending a comedy show. This was necessary to avoid either of us heckling the performers or being forcibly removed from a venue. Just to be clear, we have not historically been this considerate but we learn from (most of) our mistakes. On an unrelated note, neither of us should be allowed to access Twitter after two standards drinks. But that’s a matter for another day.

“Double black” is not a flavour. This drink tastes like lemonade. There is nothing wrong with that. It tastes sweet, it tastes good, and it leaves a disgusting (but satisfying) film in your mouth after the third can. We got Guarana because we like to be ~totally pumped~ when we listen to Christian rock in the lounge. Lydia had drunk too much coffee that day and was up until 4am sending regrettable Facebook messages, but we all make our choices. A little bit of regression is good for everyone. Next time you find yourself in the liquor shop and can’t decide between Five Flax or Banrock Station, we highly recommend that you reach for an RTD, go home, listen to Dei Hamo and enjoy yourself.

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. A Tribe Called Queer
  2. Medical Anomalies: Trans and Intersex vs. Medicine
  3. chris††† — social justice whatever
  4. Issue 14
  5. We Need New Words
  6. Things to see places to be
  7. Shock Over Proposed Job Cuts at University of Otago
  8. Te Ara Tauira
  9. GENDER: THE DEATH AND REBIRTH
  10. The Party Line
lets-seeeee

Editor's Pick

Let’s See How Far We’ve Come

: - SPONSORED - As Dani and I thought about what we’d like to see in this queer edition of Salient, we reflected on the state of UniQ as it stands right now, both at Victoria University and throughout the country. As we come to the end of our time as co-presidents for 2017 we con