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For a brief period of time last year, I had a fuck buddy. Admittedly, the sex wasn’t fantastic, and it was incredibly awkward at times, but it was fun while it lasted. Having a fuck buddy is great, and I’m a firm believer in the value of casual sex. You get to relieve some of that built-up sexual tension without masturbating, they buy you drinks in town, you get to make out, and, let’s face it, who doesn’t like a good fuck? But the problem is, having a fuck buddy is pretty much only great while it lasts. For many, and this includes myself, the post-fuck-buddy stage is horrific. You have to see them, in my case every day, and every time you do all you can think about is “Oh my God, we’ve seen each other naked” while you sit across from each other at dinner. I’m sure for some people casual sex is amazing, not awkward when it ends, and is something you can look back on with a bizarre sense of sex-pride; if you’re in that boat you’re fucking lucky and I envy you. My time in the realm of fuck-buddy-ism wasn’t much to write home about. Which makes writing this article incredibly difficult.
Many of you, especially you freshers, will be at a point in your life where you’re considering the idea of a fuck buddy. For some of you, it may be a fabulous idea. For others, it will be a fucking terrible decision and you should get off that thought train right now, even if you’re already half-naked, titties flopping everywhere and riding him like a disco-stick. And because lots of you will be umming and ahhing about whether or not you should join Tinder in order to find a potential fuck buddy, I’m gonna share some tips and advice, some from myself, some from my friends, so you can way up your options and decide to bone, or not to bone.
Who to bone
Becoming fuck buddies with someone you’re already friends with can be great. You already know the person, you know they’ve got a fit bod, and you’re comfortable around each other. Plus, you can be about 80 per cent certain as to what they’ll look like in the nude. However, if you’re thinking about boning your friend, you have to keep some things in mind:
- Are you prepared to have them see your naked body, in all its glory, and potentially tell your other friends about it?
- Are you prepared for everyone else you’re friends with to know you’re fucking this friend?
- Are you prepared for the possibility of the friendship ending if the fucking doesn’t go so well?
I (stupidly) chose to bang one of my friends. It ended horribly, and we no longer talk. And now, every time I see him, I am emotionally scarred by the fact that he has witnessed me in all my naked glory, and vice versa. Not cool. On top of that, there’s the awkward chance that one of you will develop feelings, which will just make the whole experience humiliating, and may leave you fuck-less and hurt. However, doing your friend makes it significantly easier to booty call, which is great, and they can boast to your other friends about how majestic you are in the sack, which is great if this one doesn’t work out.
Screwing a random can be pretty fun. It’s exciting, it’s sexy, and you get to make a great new fuck-friend in the process. Doing a random takes away the pressure, because you can leave it as a one-night stand, or you can make it a proper sex buddy agreement. Most of my friends found that if you’re in search of a stranger to screw, Tinder or Grindr is the way to go. Otherwise, prowling the clubs looking hot works too. Hint though: if you’re looking to do a stranger, you’ve got to be open-minded, and prepared to flaunt what yo mama gave you to seduce a potential hook-up. Screwing a random is the easiest way to keep your dignity intact; you can choose whether or not you want to keep fucking without risking awkward friendships and encounters in the future. Plus, you won’t have made a bond with them yet, so there’s less chance of feelings. There’s a whole website dedicated to people’s stories about fucking strangers, and it’s hilarious. Check it out on thecasualsexproject.com to read about people’s experiences and decide if this is the option for you.
Ah, the ex. A lot of people continue to have casual sex with their exes after they’ve broken up. Apparently it’s “cause you know what the sex is gonna be like”, or “I’m too lazy to find someone else”. There’s something satisfying about knowing what to expect in the sack, and regardless of how the break up happened, you can be sure the sex is going to be somewhat satisfying. If you’re screwing your ex again, you’re in for a pretty predictable ride. Sure, they know how to get you off, and you’ve met their mum, but is it really worth it? Think about why you broke up in the first place, and why you want to go back there. And for the love of God, don’t go back there hoping to get back together. Bad move.
How to make the sex great
Be prepared for it to get weird
The biggest bonus of casual sex is that you get to explore your sexual fantasies. The point of having a fuck buddy arrangement is that you can experiment with each other! Having a fuck buddy means you get to be the filthy pervert you’ve always wanted to be; you’re not fucking to impress or fall in love, you’re fucking because you’re entire body should be absolutely horny and should be willing to transform into full smut mode whenever the occasion arises. But this means you have to be prepared for the sex to get kinky. Casual sex agreements normally come with some strings, just not emotional ones. These strings include threesomes, foursomes, orgies, sex toys, kinks—you name it, it will probably come up at some point. If you’re entering into a causal sex agreement, be prepared to leave your inhibitions behind. Just remember to communicate your boundaries; if you do, you’ll have sexperiences you’ll remember for the rest of your life.
Fuck Buddy 101: keep yourself safe
If you don’t have a basic level of protection in your fuck buddy relationship, you can expect it to go tits up very quickly (and not in the good way). This includes, but is not limited to: openly communicating if you’re seeing other people; using protection (ALWAYS USE A CONDOM KIDS); not knowingly giving the other person STDs; being aware at all times that you are okay with what is happening; and making sure you’re both happy and okay with your sexual encounters. It would be easy enough to treat the other person solely as a stick to ride, but never forget there’s a person attached to the orifice/appendage you’re using for pleasure, and you shouldn’t treat them like shit or put either of you in danger just because you’ve scored some no-strings-attached sex.
Don’t fall in love
Seems basic, but more often than not casual sex leads to feelings. I’ve been there, and it sucked. If you’re having casual sex, you shouldn’t be expecting Prince Charming to come rescue you on a white horse; you should expect someone hung like a horse who makes you come. It’s understandable that you can eventually start to feel comfortable and feelings may start to blossom. If that happens, abort the damn mission. Bitch-slap yourself, get someone else to bitch-slap you, have a cold shower, do some shots and remember there’s a reason you didn’t want to date this person to begin with.
The thing to remember if you’re gonna have casual sex is that it should be fun. Relax, wear some nice panties, be sexy, and most of all, make him/her scream. Remember that casual sex is not about falling in love, it’s about enjoying sex. So go forth, fuck a lot, forget those feelings, and have some fun!
xoxo Bridget Bones