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July 19, 2015 | by  | in Bridget Bones' Diary |
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Tinder for Dummies, part 2

What to expect

Coming from a female perspective, Tinder is a minefield of half-clothed, snapback wearing, “hanging with the squad” males looking for somewhere to put their dick. I’m sure girls are just as bad, but that’s just what I’ve seen—for the most part it’s about sifting through a gazillion profiles and swiping left so much you think you’re in a Beyonce song. If you’re using Tinder, expect to see at least some of the following:

  1. A selfie of them flexing at the gym.
  2. A selfie of them in bed, looking sleepy yet seductive.
  3. A picture of them with the squad, so you can’t tell which one you’re actually swiping for.
  4. A list of their likes and dislikes, including how they like to have fun and/or relax (hint: sex).
  5. A picture of them in Thailand, probably from 2010.
  6. A bio mentioning their Instagram.
  7. An ass/abs selfie.
  8. If you’re lucky, a picture of them and their partner saying they’re “looking for a good time”.

Tinder is comedy gold, but keep in mind these are real people, with real feelings, so be nice, swipe left if you’re not keen and keep swiping till you find that perfect person.

Ground rules for a Tinder meet up

If you’re going to meet someone off Tinder, don’t be an idiot: the person may seem lovely over the app, but may turn out to be someone completely different. The internet is full of stories about Tinder gone wrong, although thankfully it’s more about cat-fishing than actual danger. However, keep the following rules in mind if you’re venturing out to meet that Tinder hottie:

  1. Meet in public. It’s the number one rule because it’s the one that’s gonna keep you safe. Don’t trust anyone from the internet enough to meet them at their house on the first date. Dodgy as fuck.
  2. Be on the same page about what you want. More often than not you’ll find people on Tinder are after sex, and nothing more. Save yourself the potential heartbreak/ humiliation by being honest from the get-go.
  3. Use protection. If you’re gonna have sex with someone from Tinder, remember to keep yourself safe from STDs and unplanned pregnancy. If they say they’re clean, don’t trust them. If she says she’s on the pill, don’t trust her. Always use a condom.
  4. Beware of false profiles. A lot of Tinder profiles are either bots or catfish, designed to trick you into believing you’ve met the love (or fuck) of your life. If possible, check out their Facebook first.

Tinder is a minefield. Use it wisely, don’t take it too seriously, and enjoy yourself. And remember to keep yourself safe. Now go forth, swipe right, and see where this glorious app takes you.

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