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Wild Buck

Cost: $3
Alcohol Volume: 4% (2.4 standard drinks)
Pairing: Dixie Chicks
Verdict: ★★★★ “If you’ve tasted beer, you know what this tastes like.”

At the outset, we think it’s probably quite important to talk about Rihanna’s new video. Which is great, right? Or maybe it’s not great? Are we allowed to tell people we like it? Where can I buy an ankle-length denim coat? It’s a confusing time for everyone and we’re not going to make it any better. What we are going to do, though, is talk about an equally confusing subject: Wild Buck New Zealand Ale.

Confusing because it’s a bit embarrassing but also fine-tasting and obscenely cheap. If you’ve ever asked yourself what it would take to make you drink something that sells itself as “a good, no-nonsense New Zealand Ale”, the answer should probably be “holy crap it’s only $3 for a quart.” If you’re looking for a mellow drunk, possibly at midday on a Thursday (no judgement), then $6 for 4.8 standards drinks is excellent value for money. If you’re looking to get a bit more shitfaced, we’d recommend aiming for a higher alcohol content to dollar value ratio. But who’s counting, right?

Taste-wise, Wild Buck is reminiscent of water and stale farts. But it tastes like beer and that’s what’s important. Wine will forever be the queen of our hearts, but beer is more consistent and we appreciate that. Other things in Wild Buck’s favour is the fun “buck or bull” game under the bottle caps. As we understand it, this is a true or false challenge to spice things up when you’re drinking with yr boiz. However, both of us struggle to understand straight men (more of a problem for Lydia than for Mitch) so we could be wrong. Either way, Wild Buck makes a strong case in both the monetary and novelty value arenas. Its consistency is comforting and a no-surprises form of sozzled is sometimes what you need if you’re applying for graduate jobs, really striking out on Tinder, or doubting your commitment to @badgalriri.

Rihanna and late capitalism are confusing; let Wild Buck be your rock and your shelter in the storm. Find $3 and drink this.

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Editor's Pick

Ten things I wish my friends knew about being Māori

: 1). I wish my friends knew that when they ask me what “percentage” of Māori I am—half, quarter, or eighth—they make me feel like a human pie chart. I don’t know how people can ask this so nonchalantly, but they do. So I want to let you know: this is a very threatening