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August 2, 2015 | by  | in Ask Agatha |
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Ask Agatha

Dear Agatha,

I recently got stood up on a blind date. I’m not sure if the person came and saw me then left, or just flaked out completely. It’s so humiliating and I don’t know what to do now! Have you got any advice?

-Dejected and Dateless

Chin up DD!

I have the perfect remedy for such occasions. It also works well for people who are dealing with liars, cheaters, and emotional withholders.

First of all, you have to make like T-Swift and shake it off. You don’t know who this idiot is so he could have been some loser who wasn’t worth your time anyway.

Step two, you need to repeat the following affirmation: “I’m [your first name] FUCKING [your last name]”. You can repeat this as much as you want at any time because it’s a great thing to keep in mind. It works best with a glass of wine in hand as you’re maintaining eye contact with your sobbing reflection in the mirror.

The third step is saying a big F U to the person who has jilted you. Unfortunately in this situation this person is a stranger. So it might be beneficial to just say to yourself: fuck them, they don’t know what they’re missing out on, I’m delightful.

Now that’s all over, it’s time to refresh and set your sights to the future. By this of course I mean reset your Tinder and cast a wide net while swiping.

You’ll be out on the dating scene again in no time!

Aunt Agatha


Dear Agatha,

I’m trying really hard to manage my time at uni. I used to think that I was great at time management at high school, but at Vic I can’t deal with all of my readings, tutorials and lectures while maintaining a social life! How can I improve my time management?

-Lazy Liability

Hey LL,

Practice makes perfect with skills like time management. I would recommend starting a large Sims family and try to advance their careers as a means of practicing this. If you can juggle eight Sims, then you can manage to do your tutorial prep IRL.

I like to model my Sims families after real groups, like the 2012 judging panel of X Factor USA or the Supreme Court Justices.

Alternatively, sometimes it’s easier to wake up early in the morning or work later at night to find the extra hours in the day. That way you can still chill before/after class.

Good luck cramming everything into your day!

Aunt Agatha

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