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August 9, 2015 | by  | in Ask Agatha |
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Ask Agatha

Q: Hi Agatha,

I’ve recently taken a lover. However, there is a bit of an age gap between my slam piece and me. I’m 19 and he is 26. When he was in his first year at university, I was 11. Is this too weird? What is an acceptable age gap?

-Slammin’ Sally

Hey SS,

I often get asked this question. There are many mathematical algorithms you can use to analyse your age gap. Firstly there is the “half your age plus 7” rule, which is even referred to in The Autobiography of Malcolm X. So if you consider yourself in the ranks of Malcolm X, this might be the rule for you. Another one is the “high school rule”—basically, if you could have gone to high school together, it’s ok to play hide the salami. But let’s be honest here, there is nothing new about an age disparity in relationships. It’s been drummed out in media for years—The Graduate, An Education, even Sex and the City.

As long as it isn’t a huge issue for you, and it isn’t creating a power imbalance, you do you and enjoy yourself.

Enjoy your Mr. Big, Carrie Bradshaw.

-Aunt Agatha.


Q: Agatha, darkness is all around me. I mixed all the alcohols last night. I woke up to a cold cheeseburger in my sheets and a shoe full of vomit. I can barely form this into a question Agatha. All I can say is…  help. What are your coping mechanisms for surviving a grade 10 hangover Agatha?

-Hungover Harry

Hello HH,

Put on your baggiest and smelliest clothes, brush your wine-stained teeth, and get yourself a greasy pie. Because you, son, are hungover as hell, you salty dog. Today you need to channel the grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and stay in bed all day. Try and aim for a shower today, but don’t overcommit yourself. A day of Netflix, warm clothes and self loathing is on the menu for you. If you have to make amends with people over your bad behaviour the night before (we’ve all been there), try and do it in the afternoon when you’ve pulled your shambles of a life together.

As you drip feed yourself water from your bottle like a hamster in a cage, try to remind your aching head that this is only temporary. As far as I know, people can’t die from a hangover… so you’ve got that going for you.

All the best,

Aunt Agatha.

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