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Crabbie’s Original Alcoholic Ginger Beer

Cost: $4.99
Alcohol Volume: 4%
Pairing: Steak and cheese pie, McCain’s Hotdog Pizza Pocket
Verdict: ★★★ “I’m having uncomfortable flashbacks to campylobacter”.

Are you feeling a bit colonial and also have a sore tummy? Crabbie’s it is then. This alcoholic ginger beer, which imports its ginger from “the Far East”, tastes a bit medicinal, but is actually quite nice. It started to hurt after a few sips, but it’s nice. Given that Crabbie’s tastes exactly like regular ginger beer, it’s not really worth getting a DUI over. Just add rum to your ginger beer like a normal person. If you’re on antibiotics and need something that is both low alcohol and soothing, you should try Crabbie’s. For any other purpose though, it’s a bit pointless.

It’s rare that we can bothered mixing our drinks with anything. It’s rare we can be bothered even chilling them. However, we will admit that Crabbie’s would probably be nice in any of the various cocktails listed on their website. Though we still believe it’s fundamentally bourgeois to buy any alcohol that requires the input of labour to be drinkable, maybe you should add a slice of lemon or two. Or they could add the lemon for us and avoid the outbreak of class war. Just a suggestion.

On a fucking freezing Wellington night, Crabbie’s could be described as having a warming aftertaste. But if you’re relying on alcohol to keep you warm, we would suggest something with higher alcohol content—or indoor heating. But you might be out of luck if you’ve already spent your course related costs on strippers. Get it? Because you’re young and can’t be trusted with money. You might spend it on something dumb like getting a degree.

Why are we drinking ginger beer with a whiff of alcohol in it? Well, it’s Tuesday and it was the first thing that jumped out at us when we walked into Discount Liquor (other than the 500ml Woodstock RTD). Lydia even got her ID out when paying, like she’s not their best customer. Even though neither of us would buy this again for any other reason than to disguise alcohol at Sunday School, it’s fine in principle.

Principle won’t make you forget about your crushing debt, though

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Ten things I wish my friends knew about being Māori

: 1). I wish my friends knew that when they ask me what “percentage” of Māori I am—half, quarter, or eighth—they make me feel like a human pie chart. I don’t know how people can ask this so nonchalantly, but they do. So I want to let you know: this is a very threatening