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September 6, 2015 | by  | in Ask Agatha |
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Ask Agatha

Hi Agatha,

My ex and I wanted to explore anal intercourse. We bought lube from Peaches and Cream and tried our best… after a couple of fingers I put my jewel in her back door, only to have her leap forward releasing her buttock’s grip of my willy. We tried again a week later when she was drunk and randy. Only to have the same result: her saying it hurt too much. Any advice on how I can slot it in with more success, albeit with a new girl?

Thanks,

Anal Agonist.

Hey there AA,

A lot of people are nervous about ~aNaL~. It’s not just a matter of knocking at the back door and muscling your way in. You need to give a gal some warning. There’s some serious prep work and a level of trust associated with letting someone in their private exit. Most importantly is that people who haven’t stayed in a bottom bunk before may be a little anxious about dropping their bowl of chocolate ice cream if the top bunk rocks the bed too much. You need to find out their bottom line; what they want from you and how you can make them feel comfortable and prepared. Maybe you’re the issue? I would suggest that you take some time for some self-reflection to consider why someone would not invite you into their chamber of secrets.

Good luck with your anal meditation,

Agatha.

***

Hey Agatha,

My flatmates are super loud. They stomp down the hallway and have friends over that yell talk until all hours and leave a mess wherever they go. What can I do to keep myself sane?

Fed up Flatmate.

Hi FF,

You have two options. You first option is to get some earplugs, which will probably save your relationship with your flatmate.

Your second option is to set your flatmate up for a fall. To stop them from running down the hallway, raise a section of the carpet into a ridge or lay booby-traps in their path. In order to limit their social yammering in your personal space, you need to ruin your flatmate’s friendships. Try telling everyone that they’re sniffing around their BFF’s ex. Lastly, start giving positive reinforcement any time they actually do clean anything. Try something simple like chocolate buttons. That’ll do it.

Good luck with your flatmate fuckery,

Agatha.

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