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September 13, 2015 | by  | in Ask Agatha |
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Ask Agatha

Dear Agatha,

On Saturday I was a sloppy mess and was being drunk and melodramatic. I woke up to see I tried to call my crush about eight times and texted her about eight times without a reply. I am so mortified, I feel like I’ve basically ruined any chances I have with her. What can I do Agatha?

-Drunk and Disorderly.

Well, well, well, DD.

We have ALL been here. There is a fine line between a sneaky cute message and a full on barrage of drunken clingy madness. You have a few options available to you though. You can apologise for being such a mess and call it what it is. If you’re straight up, it can sometimes feel liberating and you can regain some dignity from this situation. Your second option is to ignore everything that happened and live with the brief and intense awkwardness that comes from drunk dialling and texting. It’ll feel awful but as soon as it happened, it’ll be over.

Your last option is to fake your own death and leave town for good. If you do this, make sure you use a real body and remove the teeth so they can’t use dental records to show it isn’t you.

Good luck covering your tracks,



Hey Agatha,

I’ve been interested in this girl for ages and we hang out and have a great time, but when I asked her to date me she said that she didn’t want to jeopardise the friendship. I was totally friend-zoned.

What can I do to get out of the friend zone?

-Good Guy

Hey GG.

Sorry not sorry, but there is no such thing as a friend zone. Some people are going to be attracted to you, some people are not going to be attracted to you and that’s fine too. If you are hanging out with someone and they just think you’re hanging out as friends, it’s going to be super weird for them to realise how you were interpreting everything.

It must be uncomfortable for you too, but I mean, you’ve got to respect people enough to realise they aren’t relegating you to some sort of forbidden forest, but communicating to you that they only see you as a friend.

So be a good guy and enjoy the cool friendship that you still have together.



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