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architecture
September 27, 2015 | by  | in Features Opinion |
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I Fucking Love Architecture School

Hoo boy, if there is one thing in this world that I love more than anything else it is studying fucking architecture at Te Aro campus. The rest of the world can be swallowed up in flames leaving nothing but that beloved red building for all I care, for nothing exists for me outside of architecture school and nothing else needs to! An architectural education satisfies each and every single one of my wants and needs and I have zero fucking complaints! Although if I had to nitpick, I suppose it would be just how fucking hard it is to decide what my absolute favourite thing about architecture school is!

First of all, I just love the main preoccupation of an architecture studentlooking for your fucking metal ruler! It was on the desk RIGHT THERE just ONE FUCKING SECOND ago and now it is ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. Oh disappearing inanimate metal ruler, you know how to make a girl happy! Sometimes the benevolent unknown forces will shake things up, and I’ll be screaming after my fucking scale ruler instead, or perhaps punching walls in search for masking tape! So many surprises! In each assignment I make sure to note just how much fucking time I spent throwing everything off my desk and rearranging furniture to find runaway stationeryusually if you spend more than three hours it’s an instant pity A+!

Secondly, I love the educational prowess of a degree in architecture. What have I learnt in the past four fucking years? God, I don’t know! How thick is wall? Fuck, I don’t know! What is that building made out of? Haha, I still don’t fucking know! And can someone please tell me why everyone is so fucking obsessed with Le Corbusier!? While on that topic, please, please, PLEASE can we have more old white male architects featured in lectures? I know it’s about 90 fucking per cent crusty old white men already, but I just can’t get enough of them! I’m only sleeping in class because I want to be having erotic dreams about Mies van der Rohe! But anyway, back to the educationI really do love having almost zero exams; assignments are so much easier than multiple choice tests to fluke an A on.

Perhaps, though, my number one favourite thing about architecture school is how it is entirely geared towards a very specific kind of person and completely excludes idlers, scatterbrains and daydreamers. All while parading as an “art” and “creative discipline”! Hypocrisy, fucking love it!!! Disparate interests? No room for that in architecture school! Irregular attendance? But all the classes are at 9am to make sure you’d come! Yes, the star of architecture school is a morning person, churning out boring buildings with lots of fucking fire escapes and even more fucking toilets, who can afford to buy a fucking forest of balsa wood for modeling material, prioritises all-nighters over their health, and who always knows where their fucking metal ruler is. I myself have yet to successfully mould myself into this ideal form but I hope that with each –2% for attendance I get closer. I just absolutely cannot wait for the day where I spring out of bed at fucking 6am to read about the latest building codes, go for a run to the florist before heading to university to sweet talk a lecturer, and then get to work on designing upmarket apartment complexes.

Unfortunately, I only have one year left of architecture school, though it could be the best fucking year of allthesis year! Fuck, there are just so many thrilling theses being written—about medium density housing (wooh, my palms are sweating just typing those words!), parametric design (the uglier the building, the better right?!), and self-righteous “charity” projects (who better to design for a minority than a privileged student who has absolutely no relationship or connection with a culture or its people!?). As for myself, I cannot fucking wait to start writing my own thesis, The Successful Architect: All You Need Is A Penis and Rich Clients!

So there are some reasons why I fucking love architecture school. But in all sincerity it’s really not all that bad at Te Arowe have on-campus showers and don’t have to walk up that bloody hill. Why I’m still plodding along after four years of whining? Well, perhaps it’s because it’s too late to change degrees for a second time, or perhaps it’s because, for all its flaws, I still blindly cling on to the belief that good design can better our lives and academia is a path towards that, and perhaps I really do fucking love architecture school.

Sharon Lam was born in 1863 and is perhaps best known for playing Catherine So, the seventh friend on the hit television sitcom Friends.

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