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Cost: 10 months of our lives
Alcohol Volume: Too, too much
Pairing: Unrelated and incoherent political rants
Verdict: ★★★★½ “Slightly less than 100% regret.”
For a whole year we wrote columns recommending booze for you to not drink. We saved you from making poor decisions (though some were outside our control) and regaled you with truly hilarious anecdotes of our own failings as humans. We provided you with light relief during that bad PHIL paper your friend lied to you about and hopefully gave you equally deep insights about life and mansplaining.
In planning this, our final column, we considered collecting all the drinks from the year and mixing them together à la Four Kings. But that’s a dumb idea and we don’t want to poison ourselves so instead, we decided to sign off our last column with some things we’ve have learned over the last 10 months.
If you have learned anything from both our ramblings and 2015 in general, it should be that free speech has its limits and this column should be one. At the outset, we really genuinely thought that we might discover an untapped world of boozey goodness that we could share with the student populace accompanied by comedic bangers. The end result was probably closer to an exercise in self-abasement and borderline defamation, but at least we managed to spread the gospel of Wild Buck (thanks, Harry).
This column provided us with a respite from the drag of tertiary study and taught us some valuable lessons about our friendship and our livers. We found that colleagues are most of the time really polite when you’re hungover at work and that consuming booze by a goon-sized serving is never as clever as you think it is. While the rest of the world changed around us, the two mooring posts in the stormy harbour of 2015 have been Fat Bird and our amateur, and unsolicited, political punditry.
Here’s to assignment extensions, super jugs and ennui. Drink up, cunts.