Miss Demeanour helps a reader with ‘girl problems’ in this week’s advice column. If you’ve got probs of your own, send them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Shit gets real all the time. Let’s put it into perspective.
Dear Miss Demeanour,
I know these kinds of columns are places where girls write in to ask for help with “boy troubles” but I’ve got a girl prob, and not in a sexual way. I have a friend that I’ve known for a few years, and I guess we’re close, but every time I spend time with her I come back feeling drained and somewhat depressed. There’s nothing really I can put my finger on, except, well, she talks to me like I’m a piece of shit? I don’t think she’s a bad person, maybe she’s just unaware of how she talks and how when she talks down to me it really messes with my confidence. I’ve been pulling away because I don’t like feeling the way I do, and now we’re in this awkward limbo of making plans and breaking them. Do I try to save the friendship, or just let it die a natural death?
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Sometimes the non-sexual girl probs are the worst probs of all. As a girl myself I know how much of a pain in the ass we can be and I feel for your feels. I’ve got to be real and tell you that the first thing I thought when I read this was “cut the bitch loose.” But then, I look around me, and by around me I mean I look at facebook, and stalk from afar all the so-called bitches I myself cut loose over the years, and that feels pretty bad too. Lonely bad. Regret bad. There are a handful of girls I cut off too soon, for things that in retrospect, seem so trivial now. I miss those friendships and I wish I had taken the time to stop and think about the situation before deleting them. I tried to fix those mistakes, but it was too little, and way too late. Alas, I’m stuck in friendship purgatory now where I can watch these incredible ladies live their lives through my computer. It’s a miserable scene. I don’t want this for you.
Clearly you want to save this friendship, because you’re asking the question in the first place. This is a GOOD thing! It means you are a GOOD person! You want to do the right thing because you’ve known this girl for a few years and you “guess” you’re close. To save yourself, you’re going to have to be real with her and tell her how she’s making you feel. This is the only way to save the friendship. Maybe she really is unaware of how she talks to you, or maybe she’s just an asshole. If she responds with an apology and a change in attitude, you’re both winners. If she continues to make you feel bad about yourself, no one’s going to judge you for walking away. But. BUT!
I’ve got some questions I have to ask: why do you want to save a friendship with someone who treats you like shit? Is it because there’s a history there? I’m not a big believer in sticking around with someone for the sake of having put the time in. Some of my favourite friendships are the ones I’ve started up just recently. Not all friendships are meant to go on, girl. I believe in expiry dates. But, I also believe in making an effort. Here’s the thing though: one thing I won’t ever tolerate is being treated like garbage by someone I treat with respect. So there’s that.
You seem like a sweetie. You deserve to be treated with kindness. Stand up for yourself and tell your friend how you feel. Her reaction will guide your action.