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April 10, 2016 | by  | in News |
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Fun News

Profile—Paul Henry

 

What’s the best part of your job?

Laughing at peasants.

What’s the worst part of your job?

Pretending to empathise with people.

So what do you actually do?

Drink red wine and laugh at peasants.

Do you feel sad that lots of people think you are a dick?

No, never. I’m like a robot that doesn’t feel pain. Y’know, y’know, y’know that ah, the Tin Man from that old film, yeah him. That’s me.

Kanye West or Kendrick Lamar?

Justin Bieber, did you not watch my interview with him? We are bros.

 

Going Up

  • Holiday romances.
  • Rhodia orange notebooks.
  • The lady who looks after the tuatara.
  • Reusable sandwich bags.
  • Hunt for the Wilderpeople, obviously.

 

 

Going Down

  • Shoe laces used as belts.
  • Excessive packaging.
  • Catcalling. Seriously. No one likes it ever.
  • When the lettuce from your krishna food gets blown away.
  • Wind.

 

Shit-yarn-dingers:

Two Auckland students have been hospitalised after actually having their throats slit during their high school’s production of Sweeney Todd. Audience members were unaware of the accident, with one audience member saying there were no announcements made that the blood on stage was infact real…  

Eleven million documents, referred to as the Panama Papers, were leaked from one of the world’s most secretive companies, Panamanian law firm Mossack Fonseca, which sets up companies in offshore tax havens. This is being referred to as the world’s biggest leak, with 72 current or former heads of state being implicated in the dodgy dealings, with many of the companies being linked to illegal purposes, including fraud, drug trafficking, and tax evasion.

 

Keen to Korero

“Mahia to mahi!”  

“Do your work!”

 

mountain—maunga

river—awa

tree—rakau

forest—ngahere

flowers—putiputi

 

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