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May 29, 2016 | by  | in Stressed, Depressed and Well-Dressed |
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Destitute in Miu Miu

 

Last week I chose to survive off $5.72 (post supermarket—do not panic, I am alive) for five days so as to purchase a pair of pink, glittery Miu Miu* sunglasses.

After a recent five day Bloody Mary bender / alco-holiday with the main squeeze, my savings account (read: all nine accounts) were looking absolutely dismal. But I NEEDED them.

I had been eyeing them up (read: high key stalking and checking on them at least once a week) in Recycle Boutique from the day they went out on the floor, until they dropped half price to a cool $115 and I didn’t have to feel guilty for spending more than my rent on glittery shit.

But these weren’t just any sparkly pink thing to add to my menagerie of sparkly pink things. It wasn’t just that they perfectly matched my pink rabbit fur stole and pink wool coat, completing my “Barbie after a weeklong coke bender” aesthetic. Or that in them, I looked like your slightly batty spinster aunt with six cats, who drinks gin straight from the bottle and ruins Christmas, but compensates with lavish presents. Or even that they are literally pink tinted, so in them I am somewhat forced to adopt a rosier outlook.

These sunglasses I had seen in countless editorials, had popped up on my tumblr dashboard maybe half a million times, I literally had a picture of them stuck to my wall. I had accepted (and promptly quit) a job at Sunglass Hut in the hopes of acquiring them at an employee-discounted rate (still $400+ lol.)

These glasses represented my inner aspiring Carrie Bradshaw, the manolo poster girl x successful journalist with a wardrobe bigger than the average studio apartment. The self that the years of hope labour and unpaid internships I have to look forward to, will eventually equate to.

They were the exemplification of my Gossip Girl lifestyle on a Broad City budget.

So maybe it isn’t about the glasses, maybe it is about becoming the kind of person (maniac?) who would wear $400 pink fucking glittery sunglasses.   

Note to future Jess: lay-by the next dumb extravagant thing you “need”—you are such a colossal bitch when you’re hangry.

 

* For the uninitiated: Miu Miu [noun; pronounced “mew-mew”] is Prada’s little sister label.

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