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May 1, 2016 | by  | in News |
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Fun News

 

*Interview* with The Bachelor a.k.a who cares what his name is

Worst part of your job?

When women realize they just aren’t that into me.

Best part of your job?

Overhearing them gossip about me at the cocktail parties over their glasses of rosé, it gives me a real feeling about the connections we’re building.

So what do you actually do?

Force women do to scary outdoor dates to try and make up for my boring personality.

Kendrick or Kanye?

Willie Nelson.

Favourite quote?

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle”.

 

Going Up

  • Zero productivity during the break
  • NZ International Comedy Festival!
  • Lemonade
  • House prices, haha, haha, fuck.
  • Drake hype

 

Going Down

  • Trying to find a seat in the library
  • When you try to dye your hair blonde but it goes ginger
  • Cold brew coffee going out of season
  • When someone snapchats you but it’s also their story
  • Spotify ads

 

Humdingers

Five prominent United States women soccer players have filed a wage-discrimination complaint to the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) , on the grounds that they continue to earn less than their male equivalents, despite outperforming them in total revenue and tournament wins.

A tradesman in Australia recently received a bite to his penis from a redback spider, an ex-Salient writer reported. Luckily there is an antivenom available, but unluckily the experience is incredibly painful and is compared to the sensation of having your flesh ripped off.

 

Keen To Korero

“Pehea o hararei?”  Peh-hair aw huh-ra-rray.

How were your holidays?”

 

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