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Every year is supposed to be the beginning of something new. A new beginning, new goals to achieve, and a new journey in life. However, my new year journey began only a week ago when I found myself sick to the stomach with the state of my mind, body, and wairua.
I had had enough of the tight singlets underneath my shirts to hold it all together. Had enough of only ever owning three sets of the clothes cause I couldn’t fit my old ones anymore. Had enough of just having too much. I came to the conclusion that this is it, I am on the healthy lifestyle craze. I know right, me. The overweight, over-nourished, carnivore ambassador, KFC assasinator, salad slacker, and all-round all rounder of being round—now on a health craze? WTF?
Most times I would let it pass by, but I had had enough and I knew I had to make some serious changes to it all. I know, I know, we all have those “new me, new beginning” spiels rattling in our heads at 12am. Usually this train of thought is brought up after having eaten enough food to feed a small family. But this time, well, this time, it’s different because I have what few do: fear.
Yes, fear. You see, when we observe the hundreds that lap Oriental Parade I highly doubt that they are doing it out of fear. Well, I do. Fear controlled the way I lived. Fear of being rejected by others because of my size. Fear of not fitting in the go kart competition that my friends ran. Fear of never finding one shirt that will fit. Fear of letting down my whanau because I just can’t do it. Fear of exercising because people will judge. You see people, fear well and truly had me. So how did I get through this unseen fear?
Well, to get through, I had to find the perfect solution, the right motivator to get me into gear. And I found it. The thing that had held me back for so long, finally became the reason I decided to make some serious lifestyle changes. Fear. Yeahp! Fear of having a fucking heart attack and dying. So goodbye fear, and hello true fear.
He tīmatanga hou tō te tīmatanga o ia tau. He haerenga hou. He whāinga hou kia tīmata ai te katoa o ngā mahi. Mōku ake, nō tērā wiki i tīmata mai tētahi haerenga hou. I taua wā rā e hanga mate ana ahau ā-hinengaro, ā-tinana, ā-wairua hoki. Hōhā katoa au i ngā hingareti piri ki te kiri, e mau nei kia kōpiri tōku tinana. Takeo katoa i ōku tūmomo kākahu e toru, nā te mea kua kore au e uru atu ki kākahu kē atu. Nā wai, kua hōhā ahau ki taku anō hōhā. Heoi, i taua wā tonu ka taka te kapa, ka pūrangiaho ahau: me whai hoki ahau i taua ia rā, arā te ia o te hauora. Āe, e mōhio ana. Ko au tēnei, kaitā, kaikaikai, kaikiko, kaiwhakakore KFC, inukorokoro mō te kai huawhenua, ā, te tino momo mō te mōhio o te mōmona, e whai ana i te ia o te hauora? Ei? Engari, kua nawhe ināeanei, e mōhio ana ahau me pīkiwhara te nui o ngā panonitanga e haere ake nei. Āe, āe, i te poupoutanga o te pō kua pēnei te whakaaro o tātau katoa ‘he au hou, i tēnei tau hou’. Kāore e kore kua pērā tō āhua whai muri mai o tētahi hākari me tō kotahi engari kua rahi ana te kai mō te whāngai i tētahi whānau iti. Engari anō mō tēnei wā, i tēnei wā he rerekē nā te mea he mea tāku kei te tokoiti noa iho, ko te mataku tērā. Ki te tirohia te rahi e oma ana i Oriental Parade, tino kore rawa ahau e whakapono nei he mataku tā rātau. Engari anō mōku. Ka noho te mataku hei atua kai ake mō roto i ahau. He mataku koi whakarerea au nā taku rahi. He mataku ki te kore uru-a-tinana nei ki tētahi whakataetae waka-iti o ōku hoa. He mataku ka noho kākahu kore ahau nā te iti o ngā tīhate. He mataku ka pāpouri tōku whānau i taku kore taea. He mataku ki te kori tinana koi whakawā au e ētahi atu. I te mau kinotia au e te mataku. Nō reira, i pēhea taku mākere i tēnei mataku? I kimi haere au i te tino rongoā, ā, nā wai i rapuhia. Ko te mea nānā au i whakamau i ēnei tau, i hurihia kētia kia akiaki i a au ki te whakarerekē i te hauora o tōku tinana. Ko te mataku anō tērā. Āe rā e hoa mā! Ko tēnei, he mataku o te mate manawa, ā, ko au ka riro ki te pō. Nō reira haere atu mataku iti, nau mai mataku nui.