Do you know how hot you are? Maybe it’s clear—you’re one of the lucky ones born looking like Kiko Mizuhara and you know you’re a 10. But does Kiko know she’s a 10? Would she consider herself a 10? Though physical attractiveness is at least partially subjective, a consensus can usually be reached on how hot someone is, and this has long contributed towards romantic ‘leagues’—hot people tend to get with hot people. But when you have no idea how hot or not hot you are, how can you tell who is in or out of your league?
I have a pretty good idea of what my personality is like, what I find interesting, what I find joy in, “who I am” so to speak, but when it comes to my physical appearance—I have absolutely no idea. I am pretty sure I’m more than a 1 and am definitely sure I am not a 10, but that’s about it (okay probably not a 9 either). Romantically, this results in me either aiming way too high, unrealistically expecting nothing less than catfish-level good looks, or self-sabotaging my chances with people I’ve deemed as too hot and out of my league.
One reason for this self-hotness dysmorphia is not having a reliable source of external opinion. Friends and family are useless because they are biased by kinship—they either over-praise since they “have to say that,” or make some dumb joke like “hahaha you’re about as hot as your mum’s hairy butt ahahaha.” Past hookups could be another place to look, but mine range all over the place, the sample group is too small for it to be accurate, and I have no idea how many of these partners were just really desperate. The only solution seems to be an anonymous, impartial vote with a large enough sample size, which seems absolutely terrifying in it’s own right. Can you imagine getting a definitive, scientifically supported, numeric rating of your own attractiveness? I would rather brush your mum’s hairy butt.
But does any of this matter? Is everyone as shallow as I am? It’s difficult to rule out the role of perceived hotness when looks are usually the first, if not the only, thing we have to go on before we decide whether or not to approach someone new. Even if someone has charmed you through their ‘personality’ or whatever, it seems difficult to get turned on by someone without at least some regard to their physical appearance.
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So I still don’t know how hot I am. But as Dr Seuss cheesily said, “those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.” Attraction can’t be forced and it’s obvious enough when it’s present. All you can do is carry yourself with the confidence and self-love that you have. And thanks to my fantastic ass, it is quite a lot of self-love.