Viewport width =
August 14, 2016 | by  | in Tinder Surprise |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Tinder Surprise

Dating app Bumble came through with a boy at my door, who looked much younger than the photos on his profile. It wasn’t until he was stroking my arm and leaning in for a kiss that I asked him how old he was. 19!!!! He was practically a baby!!! I am soon to be 23 so I was feeling concerned about the power dynamics already. He was fun to kiss. Called me babe a lot.

My second bonk… wow I just had a mind blank? I guess the sex wasn’t that memorable. We did have matching striped t-shirts on while it was happening, which I was into. And who doesn’t like fucking to Mariah Carey? I am sad we couldn’t live to have another bonk session with matching t shirts. Listen to Bliss by Mariah Carey with your next opportunity.

B I G  D I C K  A L E R T

Dicks are so weird and really are all different banana shapes n sizes. This one was big. Which is totally chill. I managed to make them cum with my mouth and they made me cum with their mouth (more than three times). The sex was rough which is always fun. I’m actually tingling thinking about it. Would definitely hit that up again. They are saved in my phone with an eggplant emoji. We also had a shower together afterwards.

The fourth bang. Good but there were some major turn offs. Bad fucking breath. Like seriously dudes, brush your teeth before you come over to visit a lady. IT IS FUCKING GROSS and you could smell it even when we weren’t kissing. They kept going in for kisses and I was not keen. If their head didn’t exist then the sex would have been overall fantastic and all I need to do is get a bed that doesn’t squeak because it was squeaky as hell.

I hope you enjoyed my review. Who knows what the next two weeks will bring? Hopefully someone I can not only tap n gap, but tap and tap and tap and tap and tap and then gap. Tinder is full of surprises.

Yours truly,

Xoxo Tinder Surprise

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. An (im)possible dream: Living Wage for Vic Books
  2. Salient and VUW tussle over Official Information Act requests
  3. One Ocean
  4. Orphanage voluntourism a harmful exercise
  5. Interview with Grayson Gilmour
  6. Political Round Up
  7. A Town Like Alice — Nevil Shute
  8. Presidential Address
  9. Do You Ever Feel Like a Plastic Bag?
  10. Sport
1

Editor's Pick

In Which a Boy Leaves

: - SPONSORED - I’ve always been a fairly lucky kid. I essentially lucked out at birth, being born white, male, heterosexual, to a well off family. My life was never going to be particularly hard. And so my tale begins, with another stroke of sheer luck. After my girlfriend sugge