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August 14, 2016 | by  | in Tinder Surprise |
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Tinder Surprise

Dating app Bumble came through with a boy at my door, who looked much younger than the photos on his profile. It wasn’t until he was stroking my arm and leaning in for a kiss that I asked him how old he was. 19!!!! He was practically a baby!!! I am soon to be 23 so I was feeling concerned about the power dynamics already. He was fun to kiss. Called me babe a lot.

My second bonk… wow I just had a mind blank? I guess the sex wasn’t that memorable. We did have matching striped t-shirts on while it was happening, which I was into. And who doesn’t like fucking to Mariah Carey? I am sad we couldn’t live to have another bonk session with matching t shirts. Listen to Bliss by Mariah Carey with your next opportunity.

B I G  D I C K  A L E R T

Dicks are so weird and really are all different banana shapes n sizes. This one was big. Which is totally chill. I managed to make them cum with my mouth and they made me cum with their mouth (more than three times). The sex was rough which is always fun. I’m actually tingling thinking about it. Would definitely hit that up again. They are saved in my phone with an eggplant emoji. We also had a shower together afterwards.

The fourth bang. Good but there were some major turn offs. Bad fucking breath. Like seriously dudes, brush your teeth before you come over to visit a lady. IT IS FUCKING GROSS and you could smell it even when we weren’t kissing. They kept going in for kisses and I was not keen. If their head didn’t exist then the sex would have been overall fantastic and all I need to do is get a bed that doesn’t squeak because it was squeaky as hell.

I hope you enjoyed my review. Who knows what the next two weeks will bring? Hopefully someone I can not only tap n gap, but tap and tap and tap and tap and tap and then gap. Tinder is full of surprises.

Yours truly,

Xoxo Tinder Surprise

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