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Hello and welcome.
On January 20 the world as we know it changed forever when the ultimate duo of Barack Obama and Joe Biden ended their eight year run, not just as best buds, but also as the Prez & VP of the US. The human Fruju, also known as Donald J. Trump, officially took over as the 45th President of the United States, along with his VP, Mike “I’m allergic to fun, smiling, and gay people” Pence.
In his mere 38 days in office, Trump-o has:
- Made 210 tweets from his unofficial handle of @realDonaldTrump.
- Built zero metres of the Mexican/American border wall.
- Started the process of dismantling five executive actions implemented by the Obama administration.
- Verbally attacked approx. 79.94% of the free world, including: ol’ mate Malc (Prime Minister of ‘Straya); Nordstrom, the department store that dropped his daughter-come-heir Ivanka’s apparent fashion line; and, most notably, the “most overrated actress in Hollywood,” Meryl Streep, who has only a flimsy 20 Academy Award nominations to her name.
- Yet to get a haircut.
In the recent days, the most alarming Trump appearance came when he scheduled a weekly press conference, which was officially stated to be regarding the nomination of his new Secretary of Labour. Think again fools! Trump-o cracked right into a fairly unhinged, 77-minute rant about the apparent “fakeness” of the mainstream media, who not only had the AUDACITY to openly criticise his relationship with Russia’s President Vladimir Putin (they’ve recently exchanged hand-woven friendship bracelets), but who also created a lot of negative exposure on his slightly-illegal-and-very-racist Muslim travel ban. Don-don’s quote of the press conference was “No. 1: I’m the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life. No. 2: Racism — [I’m] the least racist person.” Hmmmm okay, seems preeeeetty fake, but okay.
Each week, this column will be thoroughly dedicated to covering the outrageous, appalling, and frankly imbecilic actions and exploits of the new American Commander in Chief, as he attempts to tweet his way through his four-year term. Think of this column as a fresh, hip, NZ version of the New York Times’s political section, but perhaps on a slightly smaller budget (read: none).
Until next time team.