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The nautical nature of the shop is very well done, although it could be improved on by playing solely the Spongebob score and Lil Yachty’s mixtapes. We opted to take our food to its natural habitat — the beach.
The fish in the fish burger seemed to be truly at home. Unfortunately he could not return to the ocean as he had been dismembered and beer battered, but as we know, these things happen. I am a firm believer that fish burgers can save us from the darkness within. When I took several bites into this burger, my theory received the backing it needed. The fresh fish taste, with the guacamole, lettuce, red onion, and hormonal juices they clearly put in the batter, had me upside down on Oriental Bay asking for forgiveness from the sea for taking away one of their best. The fish in between those buns was the Chuck Berry of the sea. The seasonings on this burger were clearly the ashes of Prince and the guacamole would make any white girl within five metres turn into a body of water. 4.5 out of 5.
We ordered curly fries in hopes that the curly nature would bring back the joy of our youth that university has its dark tendrils firmly grasped upon. They did a fine job. I thought back to when I wasn’t overcome with stress and when I knew what a smile was. They were crispy, well battered, and the option to add salt, pepper, and vinegar went a long way — it’s the small things in the world that count, ya know? An aioli was purchased to accompany them and also in an attempt to ward off any vampires that Kii is convinced may harm him since he watched Nosferatu in the dark.
The beef burger comes with beef, lettuce, cheese, gherkins, tomato, and onions. The gherkins were removed as I enjoy my life and want this to continue. The patty was cooked to a perfect medium rare, a thing you only tend to see in more upper-class burgers, so I was already peaking. The rest of the burger did not disappoint, with the caramelised onions giving it a nice sweetness to go with the mild cheese and meaty patty. While I’m trying my best to be a real food critic here, I’m just going to give up and say that it was a very “homely” burger. What stood out in this burger was the bread, a very underrated part I believe and the cornerstone of any functioning society. This burger receives a 4 out of 5.
You can catch Kii and Tom on SalientFM (88.3) on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays 6.00–8.00pm. Find them on Facebook: “Kii and Tom”.