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April 10, 2017 | by  | in Politics |
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The Trump Front

You’d think that with the huge policy failure of the attempted healthcare reform, the blockade of the Muslim ban (TWICE), and the continued investigation into his ties with Russia (and his bestie 4 eva Putin), Trumpster would have learnt to keep his sticky little baby fingers out of the honeypot. But no (and we obviously should have learnt this by now), how wrong can we be.

In the past week, Trump has tried his (sticky) hand at this lil old thing called, uh, NEPOTISM. As you are probably well aware, (or maybe not, who would blame you for trying to stay are far away from American politics as possible), Jared Kushner, aka Trump’s vanilla son-in-law, was given the role of Senior Analyst in the Trump Administration in January. Already, this was a little on the shady side, especially because before 2017 Kushner had no experience in government, and is now in charge of this itsy-bitsy, insignificant little thing called “brokering peace in the Middle East.” Could probs do it in his sleep.

But to top things off, in an unprecedented move, Ivanka Trump herself has officially been granted a place in the Administration this week. Trump-o has bestowed upon her (yuck) the federal role of “official advisor,” and has said she will be his “eyes and ears” in the White House.

Imagine if ex-PM and everyone’s least favourite uncle John Key had suddenly said to Cabinet one day, “Hey team, woah — nice tie today Bill, blue is definitely your colour! Anyway, you guys know my super talented son Max? You probably follow him on Snapchat? Yeah so I’ve made him this super niche new role, Minister of Social Media and DJing! He’ll be my eyes and ears with those cheeky youths.”

Chaos! Next thing we know, Barron Trump will become the Secretary of Privileged Children and Trust Funds.

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