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May 1, 2017 | by  | in Politics |
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The Trump Front

After a relaxing two week Trump-free hiatus, we’re back at it again with your unwanted, page-filling, politically insulting, ego-enlarging Donnie news. As his 100th day in office has just passed, let us fleetingly traverse the escapades of Trump and his cronies in the past 14 days.

Silly Spicy aka Sean Spicer, Trump’s White House Press Secretary told journalists at his daily press briefing on April 12 that “Hitler… didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons” when condemning the actions of Bashar al-Assad in Syria. Hmmmm don’t know if you remember this lil thing called the Holocaust??? Where Hitler gassed over six million Jews with CHEMICAL weapons??? What an imbecile.

Jeff Sessions, the US Attorney General, proved he didn’t take geography at high school when he stated on April 19 that he was “[…] amazed that a judge sitting on an island in the Pacific can issue an order that stops the president of the United States from what appears to be clearly his statutory and constitutional power,” after Hawaiian Federal Judge Derrick Watson blocked Trumpy’s racist lil travel ban. Jeff, buddy. Hawaii is a part of America. Has been for over 55 years. Buy an atlas or please re-associate yourself with the phrase “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all.”

April 22 marked National Earth day. In order to celebrate and provide awareness on this event, what do you reckon DJ Trump did? He tweeted about it: “Today on Earth Day, we celebrate our beautiful forests, lakes and land. We stand committed to preserving the natural beauty of our nation. I am committed to keeping our air and water clean but always remember that economic growth enhances environmental protection. Jobs matter!”

*insert dramatic eye roll #358*

JOBS AREN’T GOING TO MATTER TRUMP OL’ MATE WHEN THERE IS NO EARTH LEFT TO INHABIT DUE TO THE INCREASED EFFECTS OF GLOBAL WARMING.

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