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July 17, 2017 | by  | in Shit Chat |
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Go Sports! And Other Shit Chat

Welcome back to hell kids. In things that have remained consistent over the break: my cynical disposition; my touchy-at-best mental health; my inability to hand assignments in on time. Also the New Zealand Government pissing money at stupid shit while there are people in this country sleeping in cars and committing suicide.

20 things that are a better use of five million dollars than pledging it to Team New Zealand:

  1. 62,523 life-size cardboard cut-outs of Nicki Minaj.
  2. 106,406 copies of 50 Shades of Grey in hardback.
  3. 250,000 treats from your local tinny house (always good to put money back into the local community).
  4. 330,907 copies of Adam Sandler’s Click on DVD.
  5. 125,000 brazilian waxes.
  6. Would Winston Peters retire for that much do you think?
  7. Would Aunty Helen come back for that much??
  8. 40,000 senior dogs adopted from the SPCA.
  9. 500,000 jugs of Castle Point from the Hunter Lounge.
  10. 550,000 bottles of Fat Bird “red”.
  11. Chicken McNugget Hunger Busters for me and an exclusive 500,000 of my closest pals.
  12. I bet you couldn’t even get within sniffing distance of Beyonce’s twins for five million.
  13. Pay rise for the All Blacks? Poor buggers are a bit hard done by at the moment.
  14. ~290 full body tattoos.
  15. Like 62,500 tickets to Lorde’s Wellington show? Neat stitch-up Michael Fowler Centre.
  16. 138,889 MAC lipsticks.
  17. 44,647 years worth of Runescape subscriptions.
  18. Only 4,170 iPhone 7s, holy mother of capitalism.
  19. …would $5 million fix the elevator in the library? Can someone from architecture confirm/deny? I’d research it but I’m lazy…
  20. You could literally withdraw the money in cash and burn it. Just fucking burn it.

Go sports!

 

Love u, XOXO

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