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August 14, 2017 | by  | in TV |
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Celebrity Big Brother, Season 20

Remember Big Brother? That Australian show from the mid-2000s with people in a house full of cameras, competing in random tasks, and trying to outlast eviction ceremonies to win a cash prize? That guy from Neighbours was on it once, and there was that girl who wore pajamas and danced in rabbit ears, and there was also an “after dark” edition that you’d sneak watch at 11:30pm where they’d show unaired footage of everyone jerking off in the showers?

Big Brother is still alive and well in the UK, regularly throwing strangers in a house so they will get drunk and fight for our entertainment, but the real gem of the franchise is its celebrity edition; people still get drunk and fight in a house, but they are all simultaneously extremely narcissistic and deeply embarrassed to have reached this point in their careers. Each season beautifully manages to capture the vibe of when your parents told you to “stop showing off” when people were over at your house, but everyone showing off is an adult, and I live for it.

The word “celebrity” should always be taken with a grain of salt when it comes to CBB — I think the most famous people to have ever been on it would be David Gest (know for being Elizabeth Taylor’s ex) and Gary Busey (known for being batshit). Daniel Baldwin was on once, but he is definitively the least known of the Baldwin brothers (I consider myself an expert). Personally I’ve never found the lack of recognition to matter, and I often get very attached to people from Eastenders, a show I have never seen.

This season has the usual mix of reality stars, washed-up singers and soap opera actors from the UK and America — with the added joy of YouTube superstar Trisha Paytas, who is maybe the only YouTuber I know and that makes me feel young and validated. Trisha is known for talking very fast, crying on her kitchen floor, mukbang shows (Korean for “eating broadcast”), and dating D-list actors from ’80s films — imagine her dismay when this season’s cast does not at all meet her standards. The 15 housemates include The Bachelor’s Chad Johnson (who?), pop group Girls Aloud’s Sarah Harding (whom?), and Celebrity Love Island’s Paul Danan (whomst’d’ve?). There is a television psychic, Derek Acorah, who has been asked about ghosts every single day; in case you were wondering, his spirit guide is called Sam, and yes, he can see into the future.

Though nothing can ever top Tiffany “New York” Pollard’s reaction to what she thought was a fellow housemate’s sudden death (I cannot go into more detail without sabotaging my word limit, but I implore you to search YouTube for “David’s dead”), the promise of Trisha gives me great hope for the coming few weeks. She has already had iconic moments, purposefully sabotaging her chance at immunity for pizza, and crying because she has not been provided a washcloth with which to scrub her own ass.

The best thing about CBB is that it is so frequent, airing at least once every day in the form of the main highlights show, often followed by an hour long livestream from the house. There are bi-weekly live evictions — as voted by the public — that also function as that day’s highlights show and can sometimes go for up to two hours. And then, every weekday, there is Big Brother’s Bit on the Side, a talk show discussing the day’s events hosted by former contestant Rylan Clark. In other words, it is the perfect show for you. Yes, you, smoking your third spliff of the day, eating yesterday’s Hell’s pizza. Embrace the trash, for you are already in the bin.

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