Viewport width =
August 14, 2017 | by  | in Horoscope |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter


We hope our readers are absolutely hooning all the Astrological energy that Leo is offering this month, and taking time to think about how they will best exercise their democratic right to vote in the upcoming September 23 election.

— Aubergine and Celeste

Leo: Jul 23–Aug 22

You are on the astrological equivalent of pingers this month, our friends. Your life is about to C-H-A-N-G-E and you’re not even that worried about it because you know you’ve got this, you confident bastard.


Virgo: Aug 23–Sep 22

The sun is wandering through your 12th house of rest and comfortable change (maybe that’s why you’re nearly over that embarrassing crush?). It’s a boring month for you, but don’t worry it’s your sign’s season soon so then you can have fun and everyone has to pay you attention.


Libra: Sep 23–Oct 22

Revel in the public eye you beautiful social butterfly! Spread your wings and soar on the ~powerful~ energy of last Monday’s lunar eclipse. The universe might reward you if you put yourself out there, and by that we mean place a few charming hotties in your way ;)


Scorpio: Oct 23–Nov 21

Social Mercury, the messenger planet, will be retreating through Virgo and your communal eleventh house until the 31st. Don’t be surprised if an old friend or two make an appearance! This is a good time for you to cut out any shady characters from your life, and we know how much you love burning bridges Scorpio.


Sagittarius: Nov 22–Dec 21

Mercury’s three-week retrograde through Virgo and your tenth house of career makes it an optimal time to tweak your yo-pro image. It might pay to double check the recipients of work emails before you smash that send button, just in case you’ve accidentally hit reply all. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.


Capricorn: Dec 22–Jan 19

Last week’s lunar eclipse will give you the energy you need to leave your less-than-ideal working conditions behind. If you’ve got some savings, use your newfound free time (unemployment) to visit somewhere close to home, or, you know, go visit your parents.


Aquarius: Jan 20–Feb 18

We hope you’re riding on the wave of that incredible lunar eclipse in your sign last Monday! Wowee. Any plans you made prior to last week will be supercharged now; get ready for some serious self growth. With Mercury in retrograde watch out for sneaky exes popping up.


Pisces: Feb 19–Mar 20

Speaking of exes, Pisces, don’t be surprised if past lovers reappear between now and September 5. Mercury is backtracking through Virgo and your seventh house of relationships and will have you craving closure. You must resist! Don’t sit around wondering why Chad ghosted you. That’s just what Chads do.


Aries: Mar 21–Apr 19

With the Sun in Leo (your passionate fifth house) and energetic Mars, get ready for some boisterous lovemaking. While the Sun/Mars combo makes for good boning, your energetic yet annoying personality can test some of your closest friendships.


Taurus: Apr 20–May 20

This week is just one long #tbt as the Sun visits Leo and shines the light on your fourth house of emotions, family, and connection. Instagram a sepia-toned photograph of you and the family outside your old family home. We know you want to.


Gemini: May 21–Jun 20

The stars are supporting you as you channel the energy of the Planets and become charismatic af this week. BUT Pluto (and your natural personality) is making you a little erratic about it, so just check yourself before ya wreck yourself okay.


Cancer: Jun 21–Jul 22

OH NO, this month is all about exposing true emotions, something that your sign is not the ~best~ at. But channel this inner energy and confess the crush/join the slam poetry club/put your hand up in a tutorial because we have so much faith in you.

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. Cuttin’ it with with Miss June
  2. SWAT
  3. Ravished by the Living Embodiment of All Our University Woes
  4. New Zealand’s First Rainbow Crossing is Here (and Queer)
  5. Chloe Has a Yarn About Mental Health
  6. “Stick with Vic” Makes “Insulting” and “Upsetting” Comments
  7. Presidential Address
  8. Final Review
  9. Tears Fall, and Sea Levels Rise
  10. It’s Fall in my Heart

Editor's Pick

This Ain’t a Scene it’s a Goddamned Arm Wrestle

: Interior – Industrial Soviet Beerhall – Night It was late November and cold as hell when I stumbled into the Zhiguli Beer Hall. I was in Moscow, about to take the trans-Mongolian rail line to Beijing, and after finding someone in my hostel who could speak English, had decided