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August 14, 2017 | by  | in Shit Chat |
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Snapchat is a Girl’s Best Friend and Other Shit Chat

I was iffy about sexting, and about sending, er, provocative Snapchats for a long time, because there’s this stigma around it, right? Only sluts/hos/thots send filthy exchanges and nudie snaps over the internet! And to people they hardly know nonetheless!! Well, smack my ass and call me a thot. Wouldn’t be the first time this week someone insinuated that my sexual history was a direct reflection of my self-worth.

You’ll have a Google and cop a peek when some celeb’s nudes are leaked, won’t you, but me freely sending pictures of myself is the reason for the moral decline of modern society. It is possible that John Berger said it better:

You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her, put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting “Vanity,” thus morally condemning the woman whose nakedness you had depicted for you own pleasure.

Sexts are poetry, and nudes are art.

I mean, sometimes it’s really really bad poetry (“well you’ve got my blood pumping to places it hasn’t in awhile!”), but oh, when it’s good? Someone that can construct a seductive sentence is infinitely hotter than one who asks you if you’re ready to “taste the cucumber.”

The Sext™, you might say, is a natural evolution of the love letter. Winston Churchill wrote to Clementine: “your dear heart throbs often in my own,” and you’re telling me the use of the word “throb” was entirely innocent? Here’s the trans-historical scoop: communication is hot. Except if you’re this guy.* This guy would be way hotter if he just never spoke:

shitchat

 

And yeah sometimes it’s really really bad art (I have literally never wanted to be sent a picture of you touching yourself wearing nothing but a snapback), but knowing your angles is a skill and girls deserve way more credit for the costume and lighting and composition involved in their intimate snaps.

Bonus points: considering the rumours that Snapchat stores and owns every picture sent using the app, when the Cloud starts raining my intimates on the interwebs (I have no idea how the Cloud works) there’s at least comfort in knowing I nailed my angles.

Bodies are beautiful! Sometimes I even think mine might be!! Snapchat allows the author a certain degree of control over the viewer’s perception. The ability to send nudes that disappear momentarily (work that slow burn girl and the minute he screenshots without your consent, block him) is redefining the boundaries of the modern “dating” scene simply by upping the anti on The Sext™. Don’t tell me that couples back in the day, had they the ability, wouldn’t have sent each other at least softcore candids on the regular.

All I’m trying to say is, thank you to teenage Sash for reading a lot of (mainly Glee) erotic fanfiction and thank you to Snapchat for helping to borderline catfish men into thinking I’m worth their time.

Love u, XOXO

 

 

*I didn’t have the pleasure of chancing upon this fella myself but Veeta Orinko (@grossgal92) did and, get this, after they matched, his opener was a joke about unemployed people HA HA what a catch wow wow you are right we are truly spoiled for choice.

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