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September 18, 2017 | by  | in TV |
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Disjointed (Netflix)

I’ve been really wanting to trash something in a review for a while. Yeah, yeah, it’s the golden age of TV, we know, but there’s still a lot of bad shows going on, and not the good bad ones that I usually write about. A lot of these shows are too boring and pretentious for me to even come up with 600 words about (Ozark), or so inappropriate and terrible that I don’t want to give space to them (13 Reasons Why). But I saw a new show on Netflix the other day, something I’d read about a few months ago and, at the time, thought sounded cool: Disjointed, a sitcom starring Kathy Bates as the owner of a marijuana dispensary, preaching the plant’s medicinal qualities and working with a young staff, including her son, in Los Angeles. That sounds neat! Haha, 420, right? Big number. And I love Kathy Bates! It’s nice seeing her so often on all those Ryan Murphy shows, but she’s worth so much more than that — she has an Academy Award! Disjointed also seems like a logical next step in the wake of the American weed gold rush as more and more states move to legalise it.

But this is a Chuck Lorre sitcom. Chuck Lorre made Two and Half Men. He made Mike and Molly. He made Big Bang Theory. He made the word bazinga (ba-zin-ga: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth). What a monster. Disjointed is tonally exactly the same as those shows; it is unfunny, offensive, and haunted by a soulless laugh track. Every character is bad. SUDDENLY! A watered-down Tim & Eric-esque skit, something-something stoners watch too many infomercials, because they are dumb. I’m thrown off. SUDDENLY! Kathy Bates said fuck! Very explicit joke about handjobs, all the seedy uncle subtlety of Charlie Sheen mid-bender out the window — this is Netflix, people! HBO? I don’t know her! SUDDENLY! Psychedelic animation featuring an extremely serious voice-over recital of slam poetry about post-traumatic stress disorder from military service! SUDDENLY! Hand jobs again, as demonstrated on a car steering wheel by a miscellaneous housewife high on the pot. Excuse me? Is this what weed is like? Does anyone know what I’ve been smoking? Am I okay? Is Kathy Bates okay? Do I need to crash her car and hold her hostage in my remote cabin until she makes better decisions? Life feels meaningless, and long.

I don’t know if it’s a play on the title, because I genuinely cannot bring myself to watch a second episode, but there is no conceivable plot or purpose to Disjointed and watching it is extremely disorientating. I still cannot figure out who the audience for this show is, and I don’t ever care to meet those people should they exist. Nothing about it was redeemable; it was stupid, crude, racist, misogynistic, and insulting to me as an esteemed viewer of the magic box that plays the moving pictures. Did you know that every second of our lives we are all inching closer to death? I never want to watch this show again and it has 20 episodes commissioned. Good thing Chuck Lorre sitcoms aren’t very successful… oh, they are? Two and a Half Men continued to thrive even after the violent drug-addicted lead actor they were paying over a million dollars per episode tried to destroy it? The Big Bang Theory is one of the most popular and successful sitcoms in America and is to be followed by the prequel, Young Sheldon, in November of this year? Smash my fucking ankles in.

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